July 14, 2010

What is Fear of Success?

With appropriate disclaimers admitted, if we accept that we are standing in our own way, it begs the question, “Why would we do that?” Why do we NOT reach further, dream larger, and believe better? The primary answer is: Fear; Fear of Success, and its dastardly sibling, Fear of Failure. [...]

July 10, 2010

with or without them

they’re all nuts

and they wanna drive us nuts

and they do,

some of us lose it bad

some of lose it good. Continue reading with or without them

June 23, 2010

It’s not the number, it’s the benefits

When the baby boomers started being born shortly after World War II, the entire population inhabiting this third rock from the sun was 2.3 billion. Therefore, if we lived in 1947, and we were facing this same predicament, every single, solitary, person would need to be on a diet. [...]

May 19, 2010

Pointing fingers at others

Civility’s spotlight has lately expanded to include the overweight. We shake our heads and whisper to our “normal” friends, “It’s a shame that they don’t take care of themselves. I’d never let myself look like that.” We wag our fingers and click our tongues, satisfied that we are “better than that.” [...]

April 7, 2010

Learning from mistakes

It’s unrealistic to assume you won’t screw-up now and then, especially if you’re trying new things. So without mistakes, there is no reason for adjustment, which means we’re not learning anything; therefore nothing changes. So, one could say mistakes are actually step one in improving our life. [...]

April 7, 2010

Subway Story- A Little Creep

On one of those spring days that pretended to be summer I sat on the Number 1 subway train across from two giggly teen girls dressed for the occasion. One wore a low cut shirt that revealed her push-up bra. The other had jeans that were a bit tight with patches cut out at the thigh and above the knees on both legs. Her belly hung over what was supposed to be the waistband hidden by a loose-fitting pastel shirt.

I didn’t see the creep at first. You never do for they sneak up on you without notice. And that’s what this guy did. He got on the train and was drawn to the girl in the cutout pants. Drawn to her porcelain skin straining through the holes she had created. She didn’t notice him as he eased into the seat, but I did. His eyes were fixed on the skin above her knees. Continue reading Subway Story- A Little Creep

March 17, 2010

Parental Stress on College Students

In the spring of 1970 the young heir apparent of a wealthy Illinois family committed suicide in a field outside my college campus. His method of self disposal was drinking some type of cleaning fluid he had purchased. I don’t remember if he left a note but I know that he had made an attempt to become a ‘hippie’ against his parents’ wishes and spoke out against the war in Viet Nam whenever he could. His death was a shock to us all but we didn’t find out about it until after exams and spring break. The school didn’t really tell us that a student had taken his life. We heard it through the grapevine. What we learned after his death was apparent to every student in college at that time: failure in your parents’ eyes is not an option. Continue reading Parental Stress on College Students

March 12, 2010

What We Can Find In Dreams

 The phone rings at 5am and I jump awake. The mother in me thinks something is wrong with one of my girls. The daughter in me is afraid my mother has gotten sick and is in the hospital. The sleepy person that I am wants to curse out whoever has tricked me out of peaceful slumber. Then I pick up the phone and realize there is no one there. There never was. It was a dream and someone was calling me. Continue reading What We Can Find In Dreams

March 11, 2010

Dealing with stress

Our body can’t perceive the difference between “saber-tooth tiger stress” and the “IRS is on the phone for you” stress. All it understands is that something is a kilter; we are under pressure and it reacts to deal with the problem. [...]

March 5, 2010

Street Story: How We Look at Others

While walking home in the cold winter wind, I felt a different kind of chill crawl up my spine. Daylight savings time was still on us and that made rush hour all headlights, street lamps and dark corners. I tried to tell myself I was just cold but the man coming my way raised a few flags and the first one was fear. Continue reading Street Story: How We Look at Others

February 17, 2010

Lesson learned

As I watched the drama, it dawned on me that this process of learning does not end when we move away from our parents. It is a sequence that presents itself continually: Frustration. Lesson. Acceptance. Progress. Repeat cycle as necessary until learned. [...]

February 13, 2010

All Good Children Go to Heaven

My mother died last night. She’d been suffering from deep depression and extreme anxiety, and was being treated in a Phoenix hospital that specializes in helping elderly people with behavioral disorders of this sort. She had a stroke, the second in two months, and this one broke her connection with life as we know it.

My mother, 85, was a woman of many great accomplishments. She was an artist of modest repute who sold everything she painted. Her life was art: she surrounded herself with it and believed that artistic expression and the intellectual life had the most meaning for her. She was also a very difficult person to live with and, in adult life, to be around: peremptory, critical, stubborn and intractable in her opinions and views. She carried psychic scars from her youth that I’m sure contributed to her need to express herself in art. In fact, I believe it’s the scars, trials and tribulations of life that lead us to turn to artistic expression. Great poems aren’t written about tranquility; they’re about agony, conflict, pain.

My mother’s last full year of life, 2009, was filled with tribulations. She decided to quit painting, and like anyone who retires from their lifelong occupation, faced separation anxiety and a vacuum in what to do with herself. Then she rubbed her eye too hard and separated her retina, which caused her near-total blindness in one eye. That on top of major hearing loss meant she’d mostly lost two of her senses. She fell into a profound depression just days after I spent a few weeks visiting, then her husband of 40 years [not my father] fell ill and after a hospital stay and rehab convalescence, was moved out of the house into an assisted-living home. Continue reading All Good Children Go to Heaven

January 7, 2010

The only resolution that works

Stop! Don’t do it!

I know it’s the “new year,” that ritualistic period whereby we become fixated on ridding ourselves of that sluggish, bloated, overloaded blob-like feeling in which we wrapped ourselves for the previous two months. Whipped up by cartons of cookies and bags of breadstuffs; flavored by truckloads of turkey with gravy, ham with glaze, or both; coated in tankards of eggnog (with and without rum); we are just darn-near ready to put on the brakes and embrace our “new me.”

It is a cultural happening. As ubiquitous was “Have a Holly Jolly Christmas” last month are now the signs of this new year’s dawning. Full-page gift ads have converted to double truck spreads promoting six-pack abs and shriek, “Have the sexy glutes you’ve always wanted!” Even jolly old Saint Nick has shifted his routine. Two weeks ago, singing elves warmly patted their bellies after consuming plates of iced cookies. Today? Santa’s helpers wear sweatpants and can barely let forth a hum as they aspire to get heart rates into the target zone while pounding away on the treadmill in the new North Pole gym. Continue reading The only resolution that works

December 17, 2009

The Greatest Gift of All

The next morning, I raced downstairs, not knowing what to expect. I surveyed the living room. Nothing. Then the obvious became apparent: “He was an eccentric geezer who cashed in his penny jar, that’s all.” I started to exit when I noticed a simple envelope adorned with an embossed snowflake and a monogrammed “S.C.” Slitting it open, I pulled out a handwritten note on parchment: “Henceforth, you will realize how fortunate you truly are. Your life is full even when it seems not. Enjoy your blessings. Thanks for the help.” [...]

December 1, 2009

Fernandez' Tale

1

Joseph Fernandez had just turned twenty five. On his birthday, he and his mother went to the church. At five o’clock in the morning, the old woman came into his room and shook him by the shoulder. “Joseph,” she said; “get up!” Then she shuffled out, leaving him to rub his eyes at the sun, which was just beginning to show itself through his window. Dressed, the two of them walked down the long street to the church. Joseph favored his game leg, the left one, the one crushed in the accident. His mother walked ahead of him, slowing every now and then and glancing over her right shoulder, as if to make sure that her son was still following after her. One never knew about that young man. Slowly, they climbed the long steps into the church, stopping briefly at the basin to dip their fingers and cross themselves, then moving silently into the body of the church. Genuflecting and crossing themselves again, they took their places in a pew, way down in front, where his mother liked to be. Joseph recalled having let his eyes run to the altar, which stood in awesome and overpowering silence behind the rail where he would soon receive that bit of Christ’s body that was his. He saw Christ hanging on His Cross, and to one side, the beautiful figure of Mary, His Mother, dressed in blue and white. It seemed to him as if She were smiling down at him. He crossed himself rapidly several times, shivering slightly, recalling the first time he had stood in the field and the Virgin had come to him in a vision. She had been smiling at him. He looked quickly sideways at his mother. Her head was bent and her lips were moving rapidly with her prayers. Wisps of grey hair had straggled loose from the bun at the back of her neck and hung by the side of her face. He wanted to reach out and touch her, but didn’t. Instead he looked back at the Virgin and became lost in Her beauty, almost feeling as though She were holding him, one of her lost ones, in Her arms. Continue reading Fernandez’ Tale

November 11, 2009

Locus of control

Watch what you say, it could become your life. Therefore, when we say, “I’ve lost my motivation,” it presupposes that motivation is some foreign entity residing in a distant land. Yet, we are the source of our motivation. [...]

November 10, 2009

Bus Story: The Man in Black

He was dressed in black from head to toe. Even his back pack and the duffle bag he carried were all without color. Tall but bent over slightly, you could tell age was creeping up on him quickly and he reserved his energy for things other than running for the bus. He walked and the driver waited perhaps out of respect. I’d like to think it was because of the hat.

I didn’t notice it at first because he looked like so many other men is black jackets and black hats on the streets of New York. It wasn’t a fashion statement but the trim and the writing on the hat were gold, green and red. Big letters proclaimed “Viet Nam Veteran” and he looked the part, looked the age. That slight bit of machismo in his ever so slow but precise step was a reminder of the brothers who came back from that conflict with a different mindset all together. He sat in the very front, behind the driver and once he got settled he pulled out a copy of Jet Magazine. I grew up reading a copy of that publication every week. My mother decided that would be the only publication she continued to subscribe to after my father’s death. Continue reading Bus Story: The Man in Black

November 5, 2009

More Than Just the Blues

According to Mayoclinic.com, depression is one of the most common health conditions in the world? It is also expected to be the second leading cause of disability for people of all ages by 2020. It is a medical illness involving both the soul (your mind/thoughts and emotions) and the physical body. [...]

October 29, 2009

More than being positive

Positive thinking is not blind, naive, magical wishing. I cannot rub a crystal ball, site solemnly my affirmations, and assume that all will go exactly as I foresee. It does not materialize nirvana. What it does is gives me a stake in my own outcomes; so my life becomes mine, for better or worse. [...]

October 21, 2009

A cookie won’t help

When I’m bored, I want to eat. When I’m sad, I eat. When I’m angry — you got it. You know, there are people who, when they’re bored, they read a book? When they’re sad, they call a friend; and when they’re angry, they take a walk. There’s a clinical term for that kind of personality: it’s called “skinny.” [...]

October 12, 2009

Second Chances

Jonah 3:1-3 NLT “Then the Lord spoke to Jonah a second time: Get up and go to the great city of Ninevah, and deliver the message of judgment I have given you. This time Jonah obeyed the Lord’s command…”

What an incredibly encouraging portion of scripture this is! Jonah ignored the Lord’s command the first time. How many times do we hear deep within our spirits that we should (or shouldn’t!) do a certain thing and just ignore or overlook it? Many times we find out later exactly why we got that warning and must pay the consequences for neglecting to pay attention.

Haven’t we all experienced that awful feeling that we’ve blown it big time. We were warned – we just didn’t listen. It’s too late now. But God.

Those are the two best words you can imagine. But God…always gives us second chances, and third and fourth and however many it takes to finally “get it.” He is so generous and so gracious. That is not to say we may not have to pay the consequences for disobeying or disregarding the message the first time. But He doesn’t just give up on us as we so often do ourselves. Continue reading Second Chances

October 11, 2009

When You See Life as a Series of Moments in Time You Can Create More Positive Moments.

 

HOW I LEARNED THE PHILOSOPHY THAT LIFE IS A SERIES OF MOMENTS IN TIME.

Many years ago when I was struggling with the death and dying of my Dad our Family was blessed with a priest who would come to visit us often. Father York, a Catholic Priest, and my Dad was close friends even though my Dad was Jewish. Their paths crossed because our Mom was Catholic and my parents decided to raise their children Catholic. My sister, and I went to Catholic School and Church with our Mom. Fr. York and my Dad’s paths crossed because my Dad fixed the school buses, nuns and priests cars free of charge. Popkin’s Auto and Truck Repair was his privately owned and operated business. My parents believed in the “Law of Comeback” and gave freely of their time and talents. They practice this belief and taught their children that when you give freely of your time, talent or money you don’t expect it to be repaid by the person you have freely given to but the universe would provide for you in your time of need. Now during my Dad’s time of need Fr. York gave freely of his Spiritual talents to aid my Dad and me through the process of death and dying. Continue reading When You See Life as a Series of Moments in Time You Can Create More Positive Moments.

October 7, 2009

I am outraged

People, please, can we take a breath? Let’s slow down long enough to step back from the brink and move distant from the precipice of righteous anger. Let’s put the “go-ahead-cross-this-line” bravado on the back burner long enough to hear what someone has to say before we puff up, poke our finger in his chest, and give him the piece of mind we think he deserves? [...]

October 7, 2009

Curing Depression

Happy Relationships Home Page

Carl Jung

Carl Jung

Now here is another brain teaser for your therapist, or should I say mind teaser, the notion of curing someone with depression. Sadly, this is one of the most common causes of problems in marriages, and while we look for help from the professionals they take advantage of that vulnerability with a platform that doesn’t get to the root causes of depression. All the while, we spend about $12 billion a year on therapy and $15 billion on pharmacology drugs to treat “mental illnesses”, particularly depression.

I even find it hilarious that there is an ad on TV promoting a drug called Abilify that begins by stating that 2/3rds of people suffering from depression still have depression symptoms after taking traditional “medicine”, in essence admitting the inability of the medical approach to curing people. After all, our “mental illnesses” are biologically based, hence the medical approach to a “cure”, and there is really nothing that can be done mentally.

But there was a psychologist who actually did cure people, the one-time heir apparent to Freud by the name of Carl Jung. I refer to Jung as the greatest psychologist who ever lived basically because of the fact that his objective was to cure his patients.

Let me relate to you one of his patients whom he did cure, a patient suffering from depression. Ironically, the professionals of his day actually diagnosed her with Schizophrenia. Boy I can imagine the response from the professionals if I would have titled this post “Curing Schizophrenia”, because as most people realize after 100 years of propagating the biology conclusion, Schizophrenia is incurable. Continue reading Curing Depression

September 30, 2009

Rules for Being Human

Oh yes, once in a while, something great does cross my computer screen, and it’s worth telling others about. The RULES FOR BEING HUMAN, by Cherie Carter-Scott, fits that bill, consisting of ten brilliant lessons on how to manage your time on Planet Earth. [...]

September 23, 2009

Inner Quiet

The negative effects environmental noise has on your health including hearing loss, increased risk of heart disease, high blood pressure and increased appetite leading to weight gain are no secret. What I want to focus on today is quieting the inner noise, which is just as destructive to true health. “Internal noise” or the constant stream of self-talk that runs through your mind can greatly impact your health as well. [...]

September 23, 2009

Refocus

Much like reframing an old picture can give it new life, so can reframing the situations that cause us stress. According to Dr. Don Colbert, author of The Seven Pillars of Health, the term “reframing” means learning to see the past, present and future in a positive light. [...]

September 18, 2009

Curing Alcoholism

Happy Relationships Home Page
Equality: The Quest for the Happy Marriage

Equality: The Quest for the Happy Marriage

If you would like to get your therapist’s head spinning ask him or her what it means to be cured and watch as your therapist struggles to answer that question.  The unfortunate reality is the psychology industry, with its biological foundation, has not yet defined what it means to be mentally cured.  What makes this notion even more amazing, is the rest of us as a society knows the answer to this question, to be happy with yourself.  To clarify, though, individual happiness has nothing to do with the level of wealth or looks, but is an internal quality where the individual finds balance in his or her perception of self against the backdrop of the rest of society.

I wanted to discuss one psychological problem to demonstrate my point, the notion of alcoholism.  Modern medical definitions describe alcoholism as a diseaseand addiction which results in a persistent use of alcohol despite negative consequences.  The Journal of the American Medical Association defines alcoholism as “a primary, chronic disease characterized by impaired control over drinking, preoccupation with the drug alcohol, use of alcohol despite adverse consequences, and distortions in thinking.”  According to Wikipedia it is estimated that 9% of the general population is predisposed to alcoholism based on genetic factors.

In other words, alcoholism is defined as a biological disease defined by the genetic makeup of the individual.  Alcoholics Anonymous’ basic text, known as the “Big Book,” describes alcoholism as an illness that involves a physical allergy and a mental obsession.  And of course the mental obsession occurs because of the biological makeup of the brain.  Because of this definition there is no attempt on the professionals part to “cure” the alcoholic.  In fact, the 12-step program in AA basically teaches people that they have a disease and must give their lives up to God to manage their disease, despite the fact that the fourth step involves clarifying those experiences from the past that have caused the mental problems in the first place, in what is called the “moral inventory”. Continue reading Curing Alcoholism

September 14, 2009

Second Chances

Jonah 3:1-3 NLT “Then the Lord spoke to Jonah a second time: Get up and go to the great city of Ninevah, and deliver the message of judgment I have given you. This time Jonah obeyed the Lord’s command…”

What an incredibly encouraging portion of scripture this is! Jonah ignored the Lord’s command the first time. How many times do we hear deep within our spirits that we should (or shouldn’t!) do a certain thing and just ignore or overlook it? Many times we find out later exactly why we got that warning and must pay the consequences for neglecting to pay attention.

Haven’t we all experienced that awful feeling that we’ve blown it big time. We were warned – we just didn’t listen. It’s too late now. But God.

Those are the two best words you can imagine. But God…always gives us second chances, and third and fourth and however many it takes to finally “get it.” He is so generous and so gracious. That is not to say we may not have to pay the consequences for disobeying the first time. But He doesn’t just give up on us as we so often do ourselves. Continue reading Second Chances

September 10, 2009

One Kiss

To be honest most mornings I want to throw my husband out of the window. He comes to bed late having spent the early hours on the computer with African and Asian companies, he snores like a train in need of engine work and he is retired. I wake and look over at him wanting to throttle him. Then I exercise or write (or both depending on how much sleep I go through as his bullhorn of a system snored and kept me up) and when I leave for work I smile and plant a kiss on his cheek. One kiss because. . . Continue reading One Kiss

September 9, 2009

Sex Surrogates: The “Logic” of Professional Psychologists Part 3

Happy Relationships Home Page
International Professional Surrogate Association

International Professional Surrogate Association

I am sorry to be so hard on the psychology industry but some of their practices done in the name of “science” bely belief, and I have discovered another concept ridiculous to the point of being hilarious.

Before I go into that concept I do want to discuss what had been my all time favorite, and shows really the lack of understanding of the psyche of the individual.

One of the most common “disorders” is a notion referred to as obsessive compulsive disorder, or OCD, where an individual becomes obsessed with a thought pattern, followed by a compulsive behavior.  A “treatment” for this “disorder” is referred to as Exposure Response Prevention Therapy, or ERP Therapy, where the individual is exposed to his or her obsessive thought, followed by the prevention of the subsequent behavior.

Wikipedia defines ERP as follows:

Behavioral therapy

The specific technique used in BT/CBT is called exposure and ritual prevention (also known as “exposure and response prevention“) or ERP; this involves gradually learning to tolerate the anxiety associated with not performing the ritual behavior. At first, for example, someone might touch something only very mildly “contaminated” (such as a tissue that has been touched by another tissue that has been touched by the end of a toothpick that has touched a book that came from a “contaminated” location, such as a school.) That is the “exposure”. The “ritual prevention” is not washing. Another example might be leaving the house and checking the lock only once (exposure) without going back and checking again (ritual prevention). The person fairly quickly habituates to the anxiety-producing situation and discovers that their anxiety level has dropped considerably; they can then progress to touching something more “contaminated” or not checking the lock at all—again, without performing the ritual behavior of washing or checking. Continue reading Sex Surrogates: The “Logic” of Professional Psychologists Part 3

September 9, 2009

Someone Knows The Hamilton Heights Rapist

Terror does not always live in a vacuum. Ask any woman who lives in Harlem these days since the Hamilton Heights Rapist struck for the fourth time in less than six weeks. This time to add to the consternation  this brazen criminal raped a woman on the seventh floor of an apartment building. That means someone had to let him in. This means he was roaming around a building free anticipating the arrival of his next victim. I do not know if the woman raped stepped out of the safety of her apartment to throw out the trash or she was coming in and happy that she had made it to her floor when he struck. But this means someone knows him and probably knows what he is doing. Why won’t they speak up and put an end to all the suffering that women, families , and the local communities are going through? Continue reading Someone Knows The Hamilton Heights Rapist

September 8, 2009

Attending his first meeting

“I realized things weren’t going to get any better until I made them better. I’m tired of feeling bad all the time. I felt like I was trapped. I was always angry. I was ruining my relationships. It was just time. Any of the above; all of the above, you name it.” [...]

September 6, 2009

When Time Stands Still

When time stands still All you can do is ponder, And wonder how you got to where you are. Could you have foreseen it? Could you have prevented it? Will you look back in sorrow Or consider it a blessing? You find no answers But only long for the day When time resumes.

September 3, 2009

I think therefore I become

Most of our stream of consciousness flowing between our ears is emotionally neutral. However, periodically, for better or worse, we draw a thought from the current and focus on it. The longer we drill, the more emotional the thought. Emotions drive change. Change affects our future. So, put two and two together and one can see that thoughts actually do manifest themselves as our lives. [...]

August 28, 2009

Question: Is Marriage Dead?

Happy Relationships
Tim Kellis, author of "Equality: The Quest for the Happy Marriage"

Tim Kellis, author of "Equality: The Quest for the Happy Marriage"

I’m half way through my two month blog tour on relationships.  The stops have generally been both interactive and productive.  I’ve particularly like the stops where the topics were questions related to relationships.

I wanted to share one in particular, at the Long Relationships blog.  I had stops on 3 consecutive days.  The first day the questions was is marriage dead.  I also want to add the dialogue that ensued.  Here is the link to that blog post.

Question: Is Marriage Dead?

When you sit back and ponder for a moment “what is the biggest problem we as a society are dealing with today”, how would you respond? Is it global warming? Or maybe feeding the hungry? Or possibly our current economic situation?

While these issues get a lot of headlines I would actually have to say our biggest problem is the current culture of marriage. After all, we constantly hear that 50% of those who declare in front of family, friends and God “for better or worse” end up ending what began with such hope and promise. Continue reading Question: Is Marriage Dead?

August 26, 2009

Lessons from a child

They – whomever “they” are – have erroneously told us that confidence is acquired as the result of years on the planet. Yet, after observing this energetic, welcoming, unabashed toddler, I wonder; maybe self-assurance is our birthright – not the self-doubt with which we saddle ourselves. [...]

August 21, 2009

Get In Shape, Girl

Smooches, my beautiful ladies! Please understand that I am not the fitness connoisseur. I speak as a concerned woman. This article is to encourage you to be the beautiful woman that God has called you to be. My desire is for you to be emotionally, mentally, spiritually, socially, physically and financially whole. It is very important for women to focus on their health. I am exasperated with the obesity issue that is sweeping the nation. It sickens me. I honestly do not want my fabulous sisters facing high risk of heart attacks, high blood pressure, diabetes, hypertension and strokes. I would have it that you all will prosper as your soul prospers. To be quite frank with you, your physical appearance is a reflection of your mental condition. Please do not misunderstand this statement. I am not saying that you must wear a size two! I am not proclaiming that being skinny is superior and that being an awesome size ten is sub standard or second rate. You can be marvelous regardless of your body form or figure. The essential detail is that you are a healthy size two, eight or even fourteen.

My main focus is that we learn how to take care of ourselves just as well as our children, husbands and families. We are very important too. I have learned that if I am ‘no good’, my children and significant other is at a total disadvantage as well. Your well being is more important than a job, business or situation. You are the most important being in your life and your health should be top priority. Continue reading Get In Shape, Girl

August 20, 2009

“Brand New”

Today I arose in total victory! Yesterday was a very challenging day. It was very long and tedious to say the least. It was one of those days that I speculated if all the effort, diligence and dedication are worth the price of success. Usually, I am very strong and determined. But yesterday was the day that I questioned my very existence.

I have a vision to utilize the literature that I compose for books, poems, plays and scripts. I yearn to use that gifts that God has bestowed within me for the advancement of mankind. I have this dream not for the glamour, fame or money. I earnestly desire to empower, encourage and edify people.

But yesterday, I questioned all my efforts. I allowed doubt and fear to enter into my mind. I wondered if I would ever accomplish my goals. I pondered if all the labor of love was in vain. I contemplated if I would ever receive the just reward that comes to those that walk in faith and works. I reflected if I would ever purchase that house for my children, publish my book, and establish the Master Mind Academy or the Nichlolas Daniels Scholarship Fund. My thoughts were attacking my destiny. I didn’t know what to do to fight back. At the time, I did not want to fight back. I just surrendered to those thoughts of despair and doubt. Continue reading “Brand New”

August 6, 2009

The Heart of the Matter

Physically we know that heart health is critical. However, what I would like to focus on here is how central our heart is to every aspect of life. We consider the heart to be the core of our being, as in getting to the heart of a matter. We encourage others to speak and act from their heart or to follow or listen to their heart. [...]

July 6, 2009

Moment of Clarity

            This essay was written after reading a post by sobrietygirl about her battle with addiction and sobriety and the many comments and words of encouragement she received this weekend. It made me think about my own recovery. I have never put this down on paper before. My thanks to sobrietygirl for giving me cause to reflect.

           

            I have not been drunk in over 25 years. The last time I got smashed was after the death of my childhood friend, Nick Tucker. Nick committed suicide in a fit of depression after losing his job and his young wife asked me to write a song for his funeral. At the time, I was angry with Nick. I didn’t know about the physical and psychological abuse he and his siblings had suffered at the hands of his father. I was just upset that he had killed himself without talking to me first.

            I got drunk on cheap wine, wrote the song and sang it at the funeral the next day, but long before that evening, I had decided to quit drinking.

  Continue reading Moment of Clarity

July 4, 2009

Ready to be Coached?

Having a coach guide you in the commitment to do, change or test specific thoughts, habits or behaviors and then have you report on them is a sure-fire way to improve your follow-through. Accountability automatically improves performance and results. [...]

July 1, 2009

Brittany’s first steps

Dinner had finished so they retired to the living room, leaving the pile of plates and cups in the sink. After all, dishes will wait, your daughter’s potential first steps will not. [...]

June 30, 2009

Health or Wholeness – Is There a Difference?

I believe health and wholeness are two distinct things. They are related, but wholeness is so much more than simply “health” as we usually think of it. Wholeness or living what I refer to as a 3-D life is different. Physical health is only part of it. Wholeness also includes a healthy spirit and soul as well. Some people call this a holistic lifestyle. Whatever you choose to call it, it is worth cultivating. [...]

June 18, 2009

The pain and benefits of change

That’s when it happened. I won’t lie and say the pain vanished. It didn’t – on no, not by a long shot. However, something changed and, for an instant, I found myself in a mental place where, although I could feel discomfort, I also experienced exhilaration because, until this moment, I was never before able to achieve this pose. [...]

June 10, 2009

Ending the dysfunctional relationship

Just stay off the scale, leave it alone, shut the emotional door behind, and walk into the distance? What a concept. Skip all the fussing and frustrations associated with the ups and downs of my daily weight and lead a normal healthy life? Could that be possible? Can I do it? [...]

May 29, 2009

Book Excerpt: Do We Develop or Not?

Happy Relationships Home Page

 

 

Equality: The Quest for the Happy Marriage

Equality: The Quest for the Happy Marriage

We know from Darwin’s theory of evolution that the notion of development elicits controversy from many intellectual corners.  If we think about the notion of development through to its conclusion then many established organizations lose their grip on us as individuals.  This question becomes extremely important in relationships.  

We need to look no further than our corporate environments to get a real sense for the answer to this question, for corporations live and die by the notion of development.  The following excerpt from “Equality: The Quest for the Happy Marriage” addresses just that question, and the perspective of two very influential organizations on our lives.  The question is whether we as individuals develop or not?

Do we develop or not, that is the question?

GE’s involvement as a component of the Dow Jones Industrial Average (DJIA) index tells us so much about this most important question.  Two men, Charles Dow and Edward Jones, who had started a newspaper company devoted entirely to covering business news, began publishing the newspaper The Wall Street Journal in 1884, developed the DJIA in 1896.  The DJIA index was invented as a gauge of the success of our economy.  Continue reading Book Excerpt: Do We Develop or Not?

May 8, 2009

Relationships Advice: Transference Causes Divorce

 

Happy Relationships Home Page

 

 

Equality: The Quest for the Happy Marriage

Equality: The Quest for the Happy Marriage

Here is the most significant point made in the entire book, transference causes divorce.  This one single point can probably do more than any other to motivate couples to learn how to move their relationships in the right direction.  And for the first time ever on a public forum, you can read what I am talking about.  For the first time a psychological cause of divorce is explained.  

The following link was one of the stops on my blog tour on relationships, where I visited Blogging Authors to discuss this very important point.  To view the link please visit:

Transference Causes Divorce

 

 

Transference Causes Divorce 

May 7, 2009

Always Planning — Never Accomplishing

I know what you’re thinking, “There’s a lot of activity but no action.” See! Readin’ you like a book, aren’t I? I saw that coming. [...]

April 29, 2009

One Perfect Day

My internal recovering perfectionist is intrigued by the very concept of a “perfect day.” What would it be like? For that matter, is it even possible? And, of course, since all things in my life filter through the screen of dieting, my thoughts turned toward, “What would it be like to be perfect on my diet for one week?” [...]

April 29, 2009

Book Excerpt: Are We Biological Beasts or Psychological Beings?

 

Happy Relationships Home Page

 

 

Tim Kellis, Author of "Equality: The Quest for the Happy Marriage"

Tim Kellis, Author of "Equality: The Quest for the Happy Marriage"

I want to pose to you one of the most significant questions needed to understand before we are going to solve our marriage problem.  Are we biological beasts or psychological beings?  Unfortunately the belief within the mainstream teachings of the psychology industry is that we are nothing more than biological beasts.  The industry still experiments on animals to try to extrapolate behavior in humans.  

Are we biological beasts or psychological beings?

It is impossible to completely explain the significance of going the biology route instead of the psychology route.  The hypothesis that our behavior is driven by our biological needs implies we are born with our problems and there is not a damn thing we can do about it.  The notion that our psyche is psychologically driven implies we can learn and we can think, or develop. 

In other words, the biological concept holds we are born with our brain pre-wired and that our psychological development occurs when our experiences activate the pre-wired neurons and synapses creating behavior.  Or put another way, the biological conclusion would lead psychologists to claim that our understanding of the use of the computer occurs because we are born with the knowledge of how to use the computer and we simply must use the computer and these pre-wired neurons and synapses become activated, giving us the understanding of the use of the computer, to behave by using the computer.  Continue reading Book Excerpt: Are We Biological Beasts or Psychological Beings?

April 10, 2009

The “Logic” of Professional Psychologists Part 2

 

Happy Relationships Home Page

 

 

Lenn

Lenn

I would like to begin this post by stating that yes I am generalizing psychologists with posts like this, but as I get more involved in my project I am running across more concerned psychologists who do understand the notion of psychological healing through forgiveness by unlocking past experiences that cause individuals to have mental imbalances.  

But I continue to believe this is a minority of the psychology community.  

I wanted to continue a post I published concerning the response I received on the notion of mental equality between a husband and wife.  My declaration was met with criticism by comparing men and women with bananas and peaches, with the statement about how bananas and peaches can be equal.  To see the full discussion please visit the following link:

happymarriages.com/?p=101

  Continue reading The “Logic” of Professional Psychologists Part 2

April 1, 2009

Blog Tour on Relationships with Relationship Expert Tim Kellis

Happy Relationships Home Page

 

 

Tim Kellis, author of "Equality: The Quest for the Happy Marriage"

Tim Kellis, author of "Equality: The Quest for the Happy Marriage"

Hello

The month of April is upon us and I would like to invite you for a Blog Tour I will be doing this month, and next. The focus on the tour will be relationships, and the discussion is sure to be lively. 

I want to begin by thanking Dorothy Thompson at Pump Up Your Book Promotion (http://www.pumpupyourbookpromotion.com/) for her tireless work over the last 2 months putting this Blog Tour together. 

She already has the month of April filled up, and is sure to have a full lineup for May too. 

Our first stop is going to be Lessons from a Recovering Doormat. Please join us on April 1st at http://www.lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat.com/ to participate at our first stop.  Continue reading Blog Tour on Relationships with Relationship Expert Tim Kellis

March 23, 2009

Book Review by Bettie Corbin Tucker from Independent Book Reviewers

Hello.  
I wanted to share with you a recent book review by Bettie Corbin Tucker from Independent Book Reviewers.  To view the review online please visit the following link:

“Equality: The Quest for the Happy Marriage” Book Review

 

If you would like to pick up a copy of the book you can get it for a 20% discount at the following link:

20% Discount on Book

 

"Equality: The Quest for the Happy Marriage"

"Equality: The Quest for the Happy Marriage"

 

 

Equality
The Quest for the Happy Marriage
Tim Kellis
Gilgamesh Publishing
ISBN: 978-0-9799848-0-8
440 pages

When I began reading Equality: The Quest for the Happy Marriage, by Tim Kellis, I expected to read a typical counseling book such as those that fill the shelves of bookstores. Most of these are written by experts in the field of counseling who have degrees in psychology, psychiatry, or pastoral ministries.  I was totally wrong in regard to the word “typical.”  This book delves deep into the mind, reminding readers of historical happenings, successful businesses, politics, education, religion, family backgrounds, and the scientific work of many individuals, all which, according to the author’s findings, can unlock some of the mysteries as to what is behind the 50 percent divorce rate among couples who promised to love one another “for better or worse.”  Continue reading Book Review by Bettie Corbin Tucker from Independent Book Reviewers

March 16, 2009

The “Logic” of Professional Psychologists

If you want to know why we have a 50% divorce rate you need to look no further than the “logic” used by the professionals.  And I have a wonderful example for you.  Below you will read a comment that someone actually posted to a blog interview I hosted.  To see the full blog interview please visit the following link:  

authorkellymoran.blogspot.com/2009/03/kelly-interviews-author-tim-kellis.html

Bob Snider

Bob Snider

 

 

I also want to let you know that there is a 20% discount on my relationship book “Equality: The Quest for the Happy Marriage”.
 

20% Discount on Book   

   

March 10, 2009

Roses: A Love Story by an Anonymous Author

Red roses were her favorites, her name was also Rose.
And every year her husband sent them, tied with pretty bows.
The year he died, the roses were delivered to her door.
The card said, ‘Be my Valentine,’ like all the years before.
Each year he sent her roses, and the note would always say,
‘I love you even more this year, than last year on this day.
My love for you will always grow, with every passing year.’

She knew this was the last time that the roses would appear.
She thought he ordered roses in advance before this day.
Her loving husband did not know, that he would pass away.
He always liked to do things early, way before the time.
Then, if he got too busy, everything would work out fine. Continue reading Roses: A Love Story by an Anonymous Author

March 5, 2009

My Inspiration for Writing “Equality: The Quest for the Happy Marriage”

 

 

Tim Kellis, author of "Equality: The Quest for the Happy Marriage"

My biggest influence, and the reason I have taken on the challenge of saving marriages, were my parents, who again just celebrated their 50th wedding anniversary.  And their influence wasn’t because of anything they ever said to me, [...]

March 3, 2009

How Do You Each Handle the Intellectual and Emotional Side in the Relationship

Handling the Intellectual and Emotional Side in the Relationship

The notion of development has been hotly debated for centuries by men and women of knowledge, as demonstrated by the difficulty in accepting the theories of Darwinism.  Within relationships, this concept becomes even more significant, because if you understand the notion that you are [...]

February 26, 2009

When Only One is Working on the Problems in the Relationship

 

For an article I’m writing for CNN.com, I’m seeking both nationally known relationship experts as well as “real” people to talk about this topic: when the person you married or fell in love with makes a drastic life change. Perhaps she used to love burgers, but then became a strict vegan and [...]

February 24, 2009

Renewal

Once, the oldest grandparent down to the smallest child on this continent was filled with Spirit. They saw magic and mystery everywhere in the natural world. They demonstrated their reverence for life in every act they performed, and in every word they said. Spirituality was not a religious activity limited to attending church [...]

February 24, 2009

Quid-Pro-Quo in the Relationship

 

WendyK Says:

How do you communicate with your spouse

I don’t really have any questions. Sounds boring I guess. But we seem to be doing good. After nearly 13yrs of marriage we have our rough stops, our fights but honestly we can’t imagine NOT being married to each other. [...]

February 23, 2009

What if your spouse gets on your nerves

Periodically I will post questions and answers from blog interviews I have done on other blogs.  Here is one regarding what to do if your spouse gets on your nerves.  

Tim Kellis Author of "Equality: The Quest for the Happy Marriage"

 

 

 

Dorothy Says:

So excited to see [...]

February 23, 2009

Irish Musings-Another Day In Paradise

It’s amazing that eventhough you llive in Paradise you have to leave every now and then because the rest of the world intrudes.

Having beaten the rat race, I now live in Central Florida. I would’ve moved further down but I don’t speak Spanish nor do I enjoy large amounts of crime. Weather is [...]

February 19, 2009

Equality: The Quest for the Happy Marriage Book Review

Here is a book review you might find interesting on “Equality: The Quest for the Happy Marriage”.  Please visit www.happyrelationships.comto pick up your copy today, for a limited time at 20% off.  Also please visit our blog at questforthehappymarriage.blogspot.com for an ongoing discussion.  

Review

Book reviewer Jacqueline Jung says the disintegration of a love affair [...]

February 18, 2009

Managing Conflicts in Relationships

Here is an article I wrote up regarding managing conflicts in relationships.  You can view the blog story at the followin link questforthehappymarriage.blogspot.com.  The article was written for a journalist for The Times Union.   

So How Should Couples Handle Their Conflicts

I’m not a yeller. I never have been. [...]

February 18, 2009

Twitter: apt name

If we are to believe the slavering electronic and print media, who are fawning over it wherever one turns, we are supposed to bow down and adore the Internet’s latest thrill, the new ‘social medium’ dubbed Twitter. Its goal: make a profound (?) statement in a 140-letter public post about what one is ‘doing.’ [...]

February 17, 2009

Blog Interview on Relationships

This is my first post and I wanted to thank Bob for allowing me to join your community.  

Author of "Equality: The Quest for the Happy Marriage"

I have written a relationship book that solves the marriage problem entitled “Equality: The Quest for the Happy Marriage”.  I am just beginning my Internet [...]

February 12, 2009

A Test Of Discipline

The discipline of children is a controversial topic today. I recently saw an article describing the negative effects of corporal punishment on children– likening it to child abuse. It said that it teaches violence, destroys self esteem, and generally demeans both parent and child. This is just another example of the twisted values [...]

February 6, 2009

Heaven

I dreamed of heaven—ecstatic, even in a dream. No, it was not maudlin self-indulgence nor a labeled religion or belief set. God, heaven or an afterlife may not exist. I may not be worthy. But the dream, whether or not it is attainable, seems worth sharing. Acceptable souls admitted to heaven find a place, [...]

February 2, 2009

Anonymous arrogance

Do you share my loathing for the new anonymous arrogance? I refer to the way in which men, women, children and other creatures of indeterminate gender, age, origin or specie make vile, cruel, libelous and vituperative comments on the Internet using aliases that are typically empty or nasty: a first name and a number, [...]

January 28, 2009

On Mortality

Some of today’s posts, and recent events in my life–including an impending 59th birthday– have caused me to reflect, again, on mortality. How we relate to, react to and perceive death has very much to do with how we relate to, react to and perceive life. Today, I’ll start and end the blog [...]