I’ve queried seniors about whether they feel “elderly.” Whether the respondent was 70, 80 – I even got to ask someone who was 99 – the answer was almost always identical, “I pretty much feel like I always have.’” [...]
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September 1, 2010
I’ve queried seniors about whether they feel “elderly.” Whether the respondent was 70, 80 – I even got to ask someone who was 99 – the answer was almost always identical, “I pretty much feel like I always have.’” [...] August 28, 2010
Kathmandu, home of the World’s dirtiest toilet. August 24, 2010
Research has actually proven that humans are “hard-wired” to assume things will go cattywumpus rather than not. Given the opportunity to attribute a random event to either good new or bad, we will usually assume the road has more potholes than flat patches. [...] August 21, 2010
I love New York, I always have, I always will. Now wait, wait hold on a second, you say, didn’t you leave New York several years ago? Yes, I did but not because I didn’t like living there. I left because I didn’t like the cold winters in New York. I strongly dislike winter’s cold, snow and ice except at Christmas. Christmas weather is supposed to be cold isn’t? Yeah, it is, so you can hang stocking by the chimney with care, laugh a Frosty the Snowman and wait for Santa in his sleigh . Do fur or spruce trees grow in LA? People are always downing New York and New Yorkers, shame on them. They do so, I think, out of jealousy. New York is a marvelous mixture of cultures, ideas and habitats. I’m a New Yorker born and raised. Even though I have left my fair city home for a warmer climate it is still in me. I am always told that I carry a distinctive NY accent when I speak. I am often told that I dress like a New Yorker, we do have quite a bit of style you know, and that I don’t think or act like a southerner; I don’t. Continue reading I Love New York August 16, 2010
Dedicated to the Memory of N. “Cricket” Holland, Kenneth R. Drew and The Victims of 9/11 In a little less than a month I will meet the 4th anniversary of my youngest son’s death. I don’t look forward to September. It has never been one of my favorite months. In September I become melancholy. I lost my youngest child in September. I also lost my father, the very same year, one week to the day, after my child’s transition. September is also the month in which I and so many other Americans lost our innocence, so to speak. I must not be alone in my feelings about September. There are several American icons that reference the sadness of September. James Anderson wrote lyrics to September Song for Knickerbocker Holiday, a 1939 musical by Kurt Weill. September Song is a beautiful song and one of my many favorites, it is a poignant song. Continue reading Come September August 15, 2010
![]() I had a killer audition today.
At 11:00 a.m., I called Nathan and told him I wasn’t there yet–that I would be a little late. He assured me it would be okay. But I felt like crap about it. I met him at a huge warehouse that used to be a local department store, with its windows blackened. His was the only vehicle in the parking lot, which made me a little nervous, but never-the-less, I went in anyway. I began by filling out some paperwork, and then we talked for probably an hour. He was happy to share his concept with me. Continue reading Tales from the CriBt. August 12, 2010
![]() I read a neat blog article somewhere today about … waiting. It talked about how a writer spends their days … waiting. They wait for inspiration, they wait for responses from agencies and publishers, they wait for feedback … from anyone. All painfully true. But it’s not just writers. It’s people in general. We wait for the bus. We wait for the paycheque (or should), then wait in line to spend it. We wait for the kids to finish swimming lessons. Wait wait wait. Glancing at my watch or calendar, tapping my toes, hurrying so I can wait some more. But waiting, and thinking about waiting is a waste of time. You can’t control time. But … you can take control of your time. Continue reading Worth The Wait August 11, 2010
This begs an urgent question: Do we control our thoughts and feelings or do they control us? In effect, are we victims to the synaptic firings and hormone-driven changes of affect; or do we create them to serve our needs? Who is the master — and who is servant? [...] August 2, 2010
“Could you talk to him?” she says. “About what?” “About how you stopped.” She’s talking about my drinking. I’ve been sober 28 years and she’d like me to give her boyfriend advice on how to beat this thing. I don’t like him much. He’s what I am, what I used to be. He’s weak and stupid and manipulative and it would be so easy for me to ruin this thing for him. I’m jealous because she loves him and she should love me. “Sure,” I say, “I’ll give him a call.” So here I am, listening to this guy try to pull the crap on me that I pulled on people for years. Alcoholics always try to get you to talk about yourself so that the focus is off of them. “So, what do you do down there, at work?” “This isn’t about me, it’s about you.” Continue reading Sponsor August 2, 2010
Sister’s Uptown Bookstore is a small shop on Amsterdam Avenue and 156th St. in the heart of Harlem. Yet there are people who have never been there. There are people in the neighborhood who do not even know of its ten year existance. I was glad that I could bring this wonderful place to [...] July 25, 2010
River separates life from death by Tyree Harris The following is part two of a three-part series. See part one here. With faint screams and smoke coming from the forests and villages surrounding, Simon Mudahogora, his sister, and his friend’s family all loaded up into a canoe, which had to be sunk to hide from the Hutu. They were heading to a refugee camp in Burundi, where many other Tutsi fled. The border between Burundi and Rwanda was marked by a river — a river so dirtied with death that they had to move carcasses out of the canoe’s way to get across the river. Simon knew he had to stay tough: “There was no crying.” Crossing into Burundi, however, didn’t mean safety. The group then had to travel through two hours of swamplands, where the Hutu were often hiding and killing fleeing Tutsi. The thick vegetation and knee-high mud trenched and brushed across their fear-riddled bodies. Continue reading River separates life from death July 25, 2010
Leaving family, genocide behind
by Tyree Harris “Everybody got along,” said Simon Mudahogora, describing the Rwandan village he grew up in, “It was a poor and peaceful life.” The 26-year-old economics major’s hometown included about 60 of his family members. Daily life was as simple as it gets: Simon and the other children in his family woke up at 6:30 a.m. and walked a mile to the river to fetch some water for the day. He’d get back, take a cold shower, have his morning tea and bread, and arrive to school at 8:30 ready for class. For hours, young Simon sat on bench made of dirt, in a room stuffed with 35 students. His family farmed while he was at school. “That’s the only life I lived. I had no complaints at all,” he said. In the evening, when the blistering sun cooled down, all the kids got together for a game of soccer — with a slight catch. Continue reading Leaving family, genocide behind July 23, 2010
I arose from my tent early and found a mess left in the camp. The raccoons had found the cooler. They discovered that our breakfast of eggs could be found inside. Little hand prints were left as evidence of the burglary. The broken egg shells and disarray were not enough. The little marks noted their presence and also their prescience. They had no doubt watched us putting things away, or just somehow knew that they could find goodies in that box. I clean up then go about just sitting alone in my woodsy campsite. The kids are still sleeping, and so are the rest of the adults. You would think that I would be lonely without the company, but I am not. The breeze blows by my ears, my hair gently moving. The chirping of birds and bubbling of running water are comforting; downright relaxing. It seems that you see so much more when you take the time to just sit, put away your generated thought, and watch the world go by you. There are so many insects. Normally, I wouldn’t want them around, but they don’t seem to bother me so much today. Except for the flies, none are “on” me. On a boulder in the distance, I see a cardinal. It flits between rocks and gravel, in search of its’ daily sustenance. The red bird seems oblivious to anything not crawling on or under the dirt. He has identified his area of interest and actively pursues his objective. A few little pecks at the soil, and he flies into a nearby branch. It becomes obvious that he achieved his goal, a little breakfast du jour. Maybe a snack of flies would appeal to him? I suspect that he won’t get that close to me. At least he has had breakfast… Continue reading Wasting Time July 21, 2010
So I’m sitting here in Spicewood Texas at a nice little place. There are plenty of trees, and a magnificent natural swimming hole with waterfalls and springs. My boss was calling and I didn’t want to talk to him, so I didn’t. I emailed him instead. It was a pretty lousy thing to do, but this is my once a year visit with my family, and it is only for a few days. I love my job, and will go back to working my six or seven days a week soon enough. There comes a time when you just have to decide what is most important to you. I chose to enjoy my family. I’ll deal with the consequences later. I did leave a few hours early, but I had tended to the needs of the company. If I had just said nothing, I would have been better off. I could still do the job by phone, and enjoy the time. My absence would hardly go noticed. So why am I sitting here writing about it? Because this is a pleasure! I am surrounded by my loved ones, in a marvelous natural environment, and just enjoying some personal thoughts. I am sharing a few with you now… because I want to! Continue reading Healing Dose of Happiness July 16, 2010
Farmer Judd by Bob Grant Farmer Judd worked in the mud to keep his garden pure, Don’t mix or match, you’ll surely catch, disease he was for sure. Sam the Slug worked in his mud but with a different mind, For what he saw – there was no flaw – for Sam the Slug [...] July 12, 2010
He sits there most afternoons before it gets too hot. He sits and rocks with his head forward eyes glazed looking at something the rest of us cannot see. His black hair is always shiny, his beard combed with a touch of gray. Each day brings a change of clothes that are worn and a bit ragged, faded with food stains and sweat but if you pass him there is no odor of poverty, no odor of muck or filth. He is mentally disturbed and disturbing no one as he sits and rocks on my neighbors steps. Continue reading The Rocking Man July 12, 2010
Stephen Sangirardi My daughter’s wedding Bard715@aol.com July 11, 2010
In the summer I don’t work on Fridays. If I wake up early enough I still fall into the rush hour pattern and take the subway to parts of the city to do some shopping for home and self. I like the early morning since most people are going to work. New Yorkers tend to do half days work on Friday so by the time they are escaping the office I am already at home, sitting on the deck eating lunch and talking with my family. So why would someone try to pick me up at 9:30 on a hot Friday morning? Hey it’s New York and I guess he felt he had to try. Continue reading Subway Story: No Conversation July 10, 2010
they’re all nuts and they wanna drive us nuts and they do, some of us lose it bad some of lose it good. Continue reading with or without them July 1, 2010
I saw her here, I saw her there, I saw her hair right down to there, Her lips of wine, Her scent divine, God, I want to make her mine. Continue reading I saw her there… July 1, 2010
skinny guy, plump girl, riding on a two stroke dirt bike. he’s scruffy and she’s….well…I can’t tell because he’s given her the better helmet. full face. they dart through traffic Continue reading Cycle of Love June 25, 2010
Decisions Made by Bob Grant Which one is first – the left or right, when shoes go on in morning’s light. Socks the same before you start, conclusions formed but just a part. Pants come next for you to choose, they have to match your socks and shoes. Swipe that stick for six or [...] June 10, 2010
We’re all heading to the same destination in this life. We end up on the mortician’s table, bloody and bruised, old and twisted, pale, toothless and thin.
Some of us racing to get there while others just mosey along admiring the scenery and waiting their turn. June 10, 2010
This past weekend was beautiful down in this part of the Carolinas. The sun was shinning and plants are in full bloom. Even the crape myrtles have begun to show off. I’m an avid gardener. I love toiling in the soil, planting and waiting with eager anticipation for little seedlings emerge. Just about all of my life I’ve had a garden. I learned to love gardens and gardening because of my grandmother who planted a garden every spring. She always planted the same vegetables; yellow squash, waxed and green string beans, cabbage and turnip and collard greens. At the very back of her yard was a grape arbor that she cultivated and pampered so that in the fall she could make her delicious sweet wine. Her front yard, shaded by an enormous maple tree, was lush with shale loving lily of the valley and variegated hosta plants. Her side yard boasted a variety of red, yellow and pink roses, blue hydrangea, snapdragons and a lilac. My mother was also a gardener as are all three of my sisters and both of my children so, it’s in the blood. Continue reading Snakes and Wellies June 8, 2010
The $5,000 Pancake May 31, 2010
Memorial Day Memories![]() By Alan Caruba I have a few enduring Memorial Day memories. Most involve my Dad who never served in the military, being too young for the First World War and too old for the Second twenty years later. Even so, there was never a Memorial Day in Maplewood, NJ when we did not go down to the park, also named Memorial, and watch the veterans, the police and fire units, the Boy and Girl Scouts, and the high school band march to the grassy area where town officials would give speeches about the fallen heroes. Little Maplewood had its share that had served in all of the nation’s wars. Continue reading Memorial Day Memories May 18, 2010
Stephen Sangirardi Empathy Bard715@aol.com By the way, what is empathy? I’ll tell you what is, and keep it locked in your cranium! You walk into a small men’s room at some public place, and noticing that the one stall door is closed, you rightly conclude that someone is squatting on the bowl, [...] May 18, 2010
It used to be that New York was open 24/7/365. But the years have worn the Big Apple to the core and somethings that were once popular to do have changed and gone the way of the dodo. You can still find someplace to find a bite to eat at 4am but the pickings are getting slimmer. Doors at clubs and eateries are watched to keep out undesirables. Some places are so afraid of problems they close early. And while the city boosts a rich cultural diversity there is always the problem that big brother is watching you. We still live in an age of profiling those who are different. Continue reading Somebody’s Watching You May 17, 2010
Mara Brock Akil created the UPN television series Girlfriends staring Jill Marie Jones, Persia White, Tracee Ellis Ross and Golden Brooks. It was a sitcom centered on the lives of four women and their friendship, their girl-friendship. One of my dearest friends I met in college, we were roommates. We lost touch and for 25 years we went about our lives out of touch but not out of heart or mind. One day last year she found me. We’d matured and changed somewhat but the core was in tact. What ever made us bond back then was still alive and active. I have a beautiful circle of girlfriends, some of them have been my friends since before grade school, some have been in my life since high school and some became my friends more recently. There aren’t that may of them but they are all tried and true. My childhood friends don’t live nearby anymore. After high school we drifted apart moving to different states or parts of town. We went off to college, married, raised our children, some of us got divorced and remarried but some how we managed to keep in touch. Continue reading Girlfriends May 14, 2010
I am about to be practical, historical and honest. All in the same post. I am really sick of hearing about the 8 and 9 year old girls clad in skimpy costumes dancing to Beyonce’s “Single Ladies”. It has made the news, the polls, Youtube and things that make you go umm. Let’s be honest, it is just dancing and good dancing at that. But if it wasn’t for the advances we have in communications, law enforcement, the study of the mind and racism we wouldn’t be so concerned about little girls dancing in something a bit more than bathing suits. Continue reading It’s Just Little Girls Dancing- But There’s the Rub April 29, 2010
This happened not quite 20 years ago. A Saturday afternoon that turned into a Sunday morning when the girls got on the roof of a friends apartment building and enjoyed each others company for hours. My husband called at 2am to see when I wanted to come. I could have told him never I was so happy to be in the company of women my age, all of the artists of some kind and all of them taking out these hours to just be one of the girls. There was no competition, no showing off, no mean words. We weren’t all friends when we went on the roof but when we left we were united as sisters because of one story that was told when we decided to discuss “the first time”. Continue reading Up on the Roof with the Girls April 21, 2010
When I was in my early 20′s, my grandma Graham finally agreed to move to an old folks’ home, or whatever the term is. So she emptied her centuries-old apartment of anything even vaguely interesting. Much anticipated squabbling between family members ensued, and I ended up with some silver. I actually didn’t want any silver, but my parents encouraged me to buy it from her. Read that again: BUY silver forks and knives and all that from my Grandma, for $3000 of my own money. Seriously? Oh, yes, Genevieve. It’s a great investment. What did I know about investment? I’d been saving up for a car, but okay. If they said so. I ended up with two very nice, heavy boxes filled with any kind of silver serving utensil you could ever dream of. I even have an Angel Food Cake slicer. I can’t even identify some of them, actually. Sadly, one of my wooden handled salad spoons split, but when I reason that the spoon was probably close to 150 years old, I can’t really complain. Dwayne’ll glue it. He’s good like that. He’s also good at practicality. When we moved out here, many extraneous things got packed into wherever. The two boxes of silver were tucked under the stairs. The other day, he came home and said we should break out the silver and start using it. “But honey!” said I, aghast. “That’s for special occasions!” “Which are happening … when?” he asked. Continue reading Bring Out The Silver, Honey! April 19, 2010
She got on the regular passengers cringed for we had all been her victims before. This blind woman was angry, perhaps because she lost her sight. Maybe she was always that way: negative, angry, mad at the world of the seeing. But when this woman gets on the bus school children who usually are rude to everyone older move out of her way and old women who seem like gentle caring grandmothers curse under their breath. They know she can hear them and they don’t care. They want her to hear something of the havoc she is causing in a usually peaceful environment. But it is obvious she doesn’t care. It seems she is on the mission of misery loves company. Continue reading Bus Story: Mean Blind Woman April 7, 2010
It’s unrealistic to assume you won’t screw-up now and then, especially if you’re trying new things. So without mistakes, there is no reason for adjustment, which means we’re not learning anything; therefore nothing changes. So, one could say mistakes are actually step one in improving our life. [...] April 5, 2010
I was asked what I did for a living. At the time I was in an off-off- Broadway show on The Ridiculous Theatrical Company. The theatre had a following in the gay world but was very popular in the theatrical circles. My picture and positive review made Theatre World Magazine and I got pats on the backs from actor friends. I was an actress. But when I replied to the what did I do for a living questions with “I’m an actress” I got: “Really? What movies have you been in? Are you some kind of star?” Continue reading Everybody is a Star! April 2, 2010
My husband is on the phone giving advice to a younger man about love and marriage. We are supposed to be going out together in two hours. It will certainly be three. He tells his friend:”Minnette and I are completely opposites. she does things zip, zip, zip and asks me why am I moving so slowly. But man, it works. We are together, in part, because opposites attract.” Continue reading Together- Forever March 23, 2010
I think I am finally beginning to understand that this is not easy. Any of it. I been so busy scrambling for a hold on life that I’ve hardly had a chance to write. I was flicking through bits and pieces, trying to find something to inspire me to post for this website before Bob asked me to leave (thanks for your patience Bob!) and I came up with pretty much nothing. Well, not nothing perhaps, but not anything I thought would be worthy. Sometimes it’s so hard to believe that I will get anywhere worth being. And that’s the worst of it. I’m so hard on myself that I never get started. So. Here I am, pissed off and PMSing and taking it all out on my keyboard– along with whomsoever attempts to make sense of where I am going with this. If it’s going in the direction I feel like it’s headed, that would be nowhere. But simply here is somewhere, isn’t it? And if I can make up my mind and decide that that’s precisely where I want to be, then I’ll be content with my life and move on. But that’s the problem. I can’t seem to take that simple step forward. (And maybe I’ve been reading too much Lewis Carroll)
March 17, 2010
What began as extremely unfussy and obtainable intention – eating better and moving more – has erupted into a full-scale mega-production requiring learning how to cook differently, shopping with new eyes, rearranging schedules, altering relationships, and devising self-inflicting intimidating goals. Building such blockades makes the procedure ridiculously difficult and horribly unpleasant. [...] March 12, 2010
I spent nearly five days rambling around her big house alone, taking care of a lot of loose ends and minutiae that led me to see her home and her life in a way I never had. For many years, all we children felt her home was filled with too much “stuff.” Now I began to see how she had surrounded herself with art because, in truth, she saw her life and artistic expression as one. The paintings, pottery, jewelry, interior decoration – it was all, as the French say, l’art pour l’art. She was all of, by and for art. She made a passionate decision when she and my father separated to devote herself to creating art and living the life of an artist, to be a complete embodiment of all means of artistic expression. And she did. And while she disdained many things – you could fairly have called her a snob – she was also an incredible entrepreneur and businesswoman. She didn’t just paint or sculpt or design clothing and cards, she sold them. She made a handsome living at it, even though the galleries took fifty percent of a painting’s price as their cut. Continue reading All for Art March 12, 2010
The phone rings at 5am and I jump awake. The mother in me thinks something is wrong with one of my girls. The daughter in me is afraid my mother has gotten sick and is in the hospital. The sleepy person that I am wants to curse out whoever has tricked me out of peaceful slumber. Then I pick up the phone and realize there is no one there. There never was. It was a dream and someone was calling me. Continue reading What We Can Find In Dreams March 10, 2010
I was never a history buff. I was the kid in high school who got caught napping instead of listening. “So?” I would ask. “Why does this matter?” Now my tweenage daughters ask the same question and I struggle to explain why. “Because,” I say. And it’s not one of those “Because I said so’s”. It’s because now I “get it”. I experienced my first taste of Scottish history a few years ago, when I devoured the “Outlander” series by author extraordinaire Diana Gabaldon. After I finished the books, I became lonely for rolling r’s and sword-wielding Highlanders. I wanted more. So I wrote my own book. In order to do that, I had to delve into a different rolling r: rrrrrresearch. Not my strongest asset. But I started digging. I took out every book the library carried on the subject and then, after major physiotherapy on my back, decided to surf the net. I googled historic websites and got in touch with the people who really know their stuff, the re-enactors. These people are often obsessive about their craft, and were the absolute best sources for research. I was lectured ad nauseum about sword lengths and hilts. About garrons vs horses. I was laughed at for my pre-conceived notions. And from those often borderline abusive comments grew my understanding and love of history. I joined the Calgary Highland Games committee with the purpose of listening to Scottish brogues so I could incorporate them into my book. I listened to the pipes, learned about the dances and tried not to hyperventilate over the Heavy Events athletes. I watched Scottish actors (obsessively, some might say) and wore out my cd player listening to Celtic music. I gleaned information on my ancestral clans of Graham and Ferguson, imagining what life might have been like. Continue reading The Future of History March 5, 2010
While walking home in the cold winter wind, I felt a different kind of chill crawl up my spine. Daylight savings time was still on us and that made rush hour all headlights, street lamps and dark corners. I tried to tell myself I was just cold but the man coming my way raised a few flags and the first one was fear. Continue reading Street Story: How We Look at Others March 4, 2010
I’m a pretty sentimental person. For instance, I have saved every single letter and card my husband has ever given me over our 27-year relationship. That’s quite a substantial bit of correspondence considering that for most of that first year, we lived 900 miles apart, and I received an average of five pieces of mail from him each and every week. To anyone else it’s just a big box of papers taking up space in my closet. To me, they represent concrete expressions of my husband’s love for me. Nothing could persuade me to part with them. Anyone with children is likely to have a collection of treasures similar to mine. Assorted dollar store treasures, gumball charms, dandelions and daisies offered “to the best mom,” rocks, feathers, stickers and handmade cards, poetry and pictures that neither Donald Trump nor Bill Gates could offer enough to induce me to sell. They are tangible expressions of my children’s love for me. The droopiest, saddest looking weed offered ever so lovingly by your five-year-old is a treasure more precious than the most perfect diamond. It is a token of the purity and fervency of that love only a mother and child are privileged to share. Every time you look at that treasure, it fills you with the warmth of that love all over again. That is truly priceless. Every one of these precious offerings has touched my heart and enabled me to see what is truly exceptional in the midst of the mundane. Continue reading Priceless Reminders February 28, 2010
“No matter how objective you want, or try, to be, every issue you see will be subjective. You carry with you all that has made you the person you are, your gender included.” So said the professor in my journalism class back at university. In other words, what and who you are will influence how you view a situation. So it is with happiness, a topic which is much in the news now. With his two articles on women’s diminishing happiness in the Huffington Post, Marcus Buckingham has created quite a stir. The media have done articles on what he has written and spoken about it on the news. Two of my colleagues have also written articles on it. Happiness or the lack thereof is in the air. And while I feel that any discussion about changing a person’s life from negative to positive, (male or female), is conducive to attaining happiness, with all due to respect to Mr. Buckingham, I think he’s coming at it strictly from a male’s point of view. That point of view is slightly skewed to who and what they are and it isn’t female. Ask any woman how she views life and how her male partner views it and you will come up with some very different ideas and attitudes about happiness. It has nothing to do with intelligence and being practical and everything to do with viewpoint. Continue reading Unhappiness and women – the equation doesn’t add up February 25, 2010
‘I Was in the First Wave.’ February 24, 2010
Stephen Sangirardi Universal Suffering Bard715@aol.com |
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Republicratarian?!
As a child, I heard that you should not discuss politics or religion in polite company. When I broke this rule as a teenager, I learned some of the reasons why you shouldn’t. However, if you don’t discuss these issues, you can never learn, nor can you come to any consensus. Honesty seems to be the best method of arriving at acceptable solutions in compromise. What is disconcerting is polarization. My mother always told me to think for myself, and arrive at my own conclusions. She was referring to gossip at the time, but the same philosophy is applicable here. I grew up around a great many Democrats. My great-grandmother, “Granny” was from Brooklyn, New York. She used to tell me stories of how our distant relative named Al Smith had run for President as a Democrat. By her recollection, he was turned down because he was a Catholic. As she was a Catholic, she was proud that John Kennedy was elected as the first “Catholic” President. My father was a Teamster, and the union was “right” about everything. I heard stories of Harry Truman (whom I probably would have really liked) and others in politics. Continue reading Republicratarian?!