I’ve queried seniors about whether they feel “elderly.” Whether the respondent was 70, 80 – I even got to ask someone who was 99 – the answer was almost always identical, “I pretty much feel like I always have.’” [...]
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September 1, 2010
I’ve queried seniors about whether they feel “elderly.” Whether the respondent was 70, 80 – I even got to ask someone who was 99 – the answer was almost always identical, “I pretty much feel like I always have.’” [...] August 24, 2010
Research has actually proven that humans are “hard-wired” to assume things will go cattywumpus rather than not. Given the opportunity to attribute a random event to either good new or bad, we will usually assume the road has more potholes than flat patches. [...] August 12, 2010
![]() I read a neat blog article somewhere today about … waiting. It talked about how a writer spends their days … waiting. They wait for inspiration, they wait for responses from agencies and publishers, they wait for feedback … from anyone. All painfully true. But it’s not just writers. It’s people in general. We wait for the bus. We wait for the paycheque (or should), then wait in line to spend it. We wait for the kids to finish swimming lessons. Wait wait wait. Glancing at my watch or calendar, tapping my toes, hurrying so I can wait some more. But waiting, and thinking about waiting is a waste of time. You can’t control time. But … you can take control of your time. Continue reading Worth The Wait August 11, 2010
This begs an urgent question: Do we control our thoughts and feelings or do they control us? In effect, are we victims to the synaptic firings and hormone-driven changes of affect; or do we create them to serve our needs? Who is the master — and who is servant? [...] August 11, 2010
A little boy named Chris needs help. He lives with a cruel father. His father is always saying he loves Chris but he doesn’t act like it. He threatens Chris with awful punishment if he steps out of line even a little bit. Chris’s father allows a drug addict to babysit Chris and then is angry when he hears Chris saying bad words or talking about wanting to smoke pot. The father often tells Chris that if he doesn’t do everything commanded of him, the father is going to take him to the river and drop him off the bridge some cold night. Chris is always afraid that he can’t measure up. Chris needs our prayers. Chris is you and me, and the father is our God. Do you believe that? I don’t. I know that when you read what I wrote above, you were probably incensed at the father for being so cruel. And yet we are taught that our own heavenly Father is far more cruel than the father in my story. He is not going to throw us off a bridge and drown us. No, he is going to cast us into a lake of fire and burn us. Not burn us up but burn us forever. And ever. Continue reading It Didn’t Enter His Mind August 3, 2010
After ALL of this self-aggrandising I’ve done, you’d think some of it would have paid off a little quicker. I think I broke some rules of etiquette, but here’s what I did: [...] July 14, 2010
With appropriate disclaimers admitted, if we accept that we are standing in our own way, it begs the question, “Why would we do that?” Why do we NOT reach further, dream larger, and believe better? The primary answer is: Fear; Fear of Success, and its dastardly sibling, Fear of Failure. [...] June 30, 2010
Sometimes I want to smack myself because of my inability to understand scriptures. All my life I have seen the following passage as referring to heaven. John 14:2 In my Father’s house are many mansions: if it were not so, I would have told you. I go to prepare a place for you. 3 And if I go and prepare a place for you, I will come again, and receive you unto myself; that where I am, there ye may be also. 4 And whither I go ye know, and the way ye know. I guess I shouldn’t be too hard on myself. After all, Jesus did leave earth and go up into heaven to the Father. But in what way did he prepare a place for us? Yes, he was a carpenter by trade, but we surely don’t think he went up into the sky to literally construct mansions. He said his disciples knew the way. In another place we find: Continue reading Many Mansions June 24, 2010
In fact, my reaction to this conversation was so negative that I thought about it and talked about it for days. Okay, maybe I’m old-fashioned, but I don’t feel comfortable having my money handled by anyone who—while within earshot of customers—describes his weekend as “bad-ass.” Could it be that I trust only silver-haired prep-school patricians who steer clear of slang to protect my savings? My intellect reasoned that a banker who uses the term “bad-ass” could be just as stalwart in his duties. Could it be that I, a resident of the “Socialist Republic of Berkeley,” might be more conservative than I’d like to admit? As I wrestled with all of this, a simple truth emerged: young or old, I don’t want a “bad-ass” banker! Continue reading IMITATION ISN’T ALWAYS FLATTERING June 23, 2010
When the baby boomers started being born shortly after World War II, the entire population inhabiting this third rock from the sun was 2.3 billion. Therefore, if we lived in 1947, and we were facing this same predicament, every single, solitary, person would need to be on a diet. [...] June 18, 2010
It was what Ihad always wanted- to see my name on the cover of a book. To be published. To be in print. If I had a buckete list it would have been on it and now crossed off. It makes me smile to see my dreams in print. Continue reading A Dream in Print June 10, 2010
We’re all heading to the same destination in this life. We end up on the mortician’s table, bloody and bruised, old and twisted, pale, toothless and thin.
Some of us racing to get there while others just mosey along admiring the scenery and waiting their turn. May 19, 2010
Civility’s spotlight has lately expanded to include the overweight. We shake our heads and whisper to our “normal” friends, “It’s a shame that they don’t take care of themselves. I’d never let myself look like that.” We wag our fingers and click our tongues, satisfied that we are “better than that.” [...] May 19, 2010
This might be brief, but not because I don’t have enough time. I learned some years ago to make time to do what I want. And I always wanted to do a lot of things. This spring is the first time that I have actually not overindulged my sense of time to use all my time for all my desires. I decided not to be the Renaissance woman I like to think I am when it comes to the art, skip being in a production with a short run and use my time to write more. That way I have enough time. Continue reading Enough Time April 26, 2010
This year celebrates the 50th anniversary of the publication of “To Kill a Mockingbird”. It is one of my favorite books and is something I watch whenever they show it on television. I learn something new about the story each time I watch it. But most important to me is I learn about strength of character from Atticus Finch. Continue reading Celebrating Atticus Finch April 26, 2010
Back in ancient Rome, the Emperor typically had one thought that troubled him more than any other – “Who guards you against your own guards?”, referring to the Imperial Praetorian guards, who either made you or croaked you, according to whim and political calculation (“Quis custodiet ipsos custodes?”). As authors who ghost write the lives of fictional characters, and the occasional real one, the question that betimes intrigues and troubles us is a matching one: “Who ghost writes for the ghost writers?” One answer, of course, might be your editor. Some editors have defined the very essence of their clients’ styles. I cannot remember whether it was Raymond Carver or Raymond Chandler whose characteristically terse delivery was largely attributable to the preferences of his editor. It is undeniable, but rarely confessed, that some editors end up rewriting their authors’ books. My first influence was Lawrence Durrell. Although I wouldn’t claim that he is among my favourite authors, his ‘Alexandrine Quartet’ is right at the top of my favourite books. I could never copy the opulent, sensuous prose style he shared with John Fowles and Truman Capote, but I loved the way that he told the same story from three different angles and then developed it further in the fourth. There is nothing more fascinating than turning characters and storylines inside-out and upside-down in successive books. Continue reading Who are your ghosts, and why are they there? April 21, 2010
When I was in my early 20′s, my grandma Graham finally agreed to move to an old folks’ home, or whatever the term is. So she emptied her centuries-old apartment of anything even vaguely interesting. Much anticipated squabbling between family members ensued, and I ended up with some silver. I actually didn’t want any silver, but my parents encouraged me to buy it from her. Read that again: BUY silver forks and knives and all that from my Grandma, for $3000 of my own money. Seriously? Oh, yes, Genevieve. It’s a great investment. What did I know about investment? I’d been saving up for a car, but okay. If they said so. I ended up with two very nice, heavy boxes filled with any kind of silver serving utensil you could ever dream of. I even have an Angel Food Cake slicer. I can’t even identify some of them, actually. Sadly, one of my wooden handled salad spoons split, but when I reason that the spoon was probably close to 150 years old, I can’t really complain. Dwayne’ll glue it. He’s good like that. He’s also good at practicality. When we moved out here, many extraneous things got packed into wherever. The two boxes of silver were tucked under the stairs. The other day, he came home and said we should break out the silver and start using it. “But honey!” said I, aghast. “That’s for special occasions!” “Which are happening … when?” he asked. Continue reading Bring Out The Silver, Honey! April 7, 2010
It’s unrealistic to assume you won’t screw-up now and then, especially if you’re trying new things. So without mistakes, there is no reason for adjustment, which means we’re not learning anything; therefore nothing changes. So, one could say mistakes are actually step one in improving our life. [...] April 5, 2010
I was asked what I did for a living. At the time I was in an off-off- Broadway show on The Ridiculous Theatrical Company. The theatre had a following in the gay world but was very popular in the theatrical circles. My picture and positive review made Theatre World Magazine and I got pats on the backs from actor friends. I was an actress. But when I replied to the what did I do for a living questions with “I’m an actress” I got: “Really? What movies have you been in? Are you some kind of star?” Continue reading Everybody is a Star! March 22, 2010
Sitting around the table laughing, that is how I will remember Saturday night. There hadn’t been a night of laughter and joy like that in our house since the Christmas holidays. It wasn’t that we hadn’t been blessed with visits from friends in the first three months of 2010. Some of those visits were pure joy, one on one, keeping the sisterly/brotherly thing going. One dinner party was ruined by a drunken guest who talked spewing food from his mouth and kept leaning on the women at the table making lewd remarks until I threatened to excommunicate him from the house. This had happened to him once long ago and I didn’t allow him to return for a year. But we refused to be swayed by misconduct of the past. We were sitting around the table howling with laughter and that meant we were enjoying life. You don’t reall Continue reading Laughter with Friends March 17, 2010
What began as extremely unfussy and obtainable intention – eating better and moving more – has erupted into a full-scale mega-production requiring learning how to cook differently, shopping with new eyes, rearranging schedules, altering relationships, and devising self-inflicting intimidating goals. Building such blockades makes the procedure ridiculously difficult and horribly unpleasant. [...] March 12, 2010
I spent nearly five days rambling around her big house alone, taking care of a lot of loose ends and minutiae that led me to see her home and her life in a way I never had. For many years, all we children felt her home was filled with too much “stuff.” Now I began to see how she had surrounded herself with art because, in truth, she saw her life and artistic expression as one. The paintings, pottery, jewelry, interior decoration – it was all, as the French say, l’art pour l’art. She was all of, by and for art. She made a passionate decision when she and my father separated to devote herself to creating art and living the life of an artist, to be a complete embodiment of all means of artistic expression. And she did. And while she disdained many things – you could fairly have called her a snob – she was also an incredible entrepreneur and businesswoman. She didn’t just paint or sculpt or design clothing and cards, she sold them. She made a handsome living at it, even though the galleries took fifty percent of a painting’s price as their cut. Continue reading All for Art March 12, 2010
To be honest I like the latest, hottest commercial on television because it is funny, not because the man selling the product is good looking from head to toe and has a voice that could whisper in my ear anytime. The sensuality is a plus. But it is a good commercial, it’s a funny commercial and the actor went so over the top that he created a character that has 2 millions views on YouTube. And he’s on a horse. Continue reading The Man on the Horse- Do We Care How He Smells? March 12, 2010
The phone rings at 5am and I jump awake. The mother in me thinks something is wrong with one of my girls. The daughter in me is afraid my mother has gotten sick and is in the hospital. The sleepy person that I am wants to curse out whoever has tricked me out of peaceful slumber. Then I pick up the phone and realize there is no one there. There never was. It was a dream and someone was calling me. Continue reading What We Can Find In Dreams March 11, 2010
One Sunday about 10 years ago a lady dressed for church walked up to me in the entryway of our brownstone and threatened me with calling an ‘agency’ because she had not gotten a cake. At the time we were giving out food from out home, food that a New Jersey store would have tossed had we not picked it up. For nine years we gave up Sundays to be committed to those in need and had to fight off the greedy. The church across the street tried to demand muffins for the deacons, the church down the street demanded boxes of cookies for saving the souls of all the poor and needy that we knew they didn’t help and this bold woman wanted food she didn’t need but demanded it because she was doing God’s work. I told her so were we and to let us give out the food without a problem. “You get paid to give out this food, I know you do. And I am going to contact the agency and tell them you are keeping it for yourself.” “We don’t get paid to do this,” I told her. “And we don’t work with an agency. We do it because we want to help others.” She walked away screaming in front of a long line of people and I wondered if she got paid cash to do the work of the lord she was so committed to. Continue reading Commitment to Others- for Free March 4, 2010
I’m a pretty sentimental person. For instance, I have saved every single letter and card my husband has ever given me over our 27-year relationship. That’s quite a substantial bit of correspondence considering that for most of that first year, we lived 900 miles apart, and I received an average of five pieces of mail from him each and every week. To anyone else it’s just a big box of papers taking up space in my closet. To me, they represent concrete expressions of my husband’s love for me. Nothing could persuade me to part with them. Anyone with children is likely to have a collection of treasures similar to mine. Assorted dollar store treasures, gumball charms, dandelions and daisies offered “to the best mom,” rocks, feathers, stickers and handmade cards, poetry and pictures that neither Donald Trump nor Bill Gates could offer enough to induce me to sell. They are tangible expressions of my children’s love for me. The droopiest, saddest looking weed offered ever so lovingly by your five-year-old is a treasure more precious than the most perfect diamond. It is a token of the purity and fervency of that love only a mother and child are privileged to share. Every time you look at that treasure, it fills you with the warmth of that love all over again. That is truly priceless. Every one of these precious offerings has touched my heart and enabled me to see what is truly exceptional in the midst of the mundane. Continue reading Priceless Reminders February 17, 2010
As I watched the drama, it dawned on me that this process of learning does not end when we move away from our parents. It is a sequence that presents itself continually: Frustration. Lesson. Acceptance. Progress. Repeat cycle as necessary until learned. [...] February 15, 2010
Jesus was a Jew. He spoke the Jewish language, lived the Jewish life, and was very active in the Jewish community. Jesus studied and learned the Old Testament in His growing years, as well as celebrated the Jewish feasts and festivals. It makes sense that Jesus would use the culture, language, and traditions He was surrounded by, to send His new covenant message to the world throughout the ages. This is why it is vital, we as Christians, understand the full impact of His Jewish involvement. It should also be understood that the Jewish culture today is not the same culture of Jesus’ day. This is the reason we must study the complete context of the New Testament. The Jewish community has a way of understanding and interpreting scriptures Christians have not fully embraced. Understanding Jesus’ Jewish life reveals the fullness of His saving grace. He doesn’t want us to miss one syllable of His promise. Continue reading Jesus Was A Jew February 15, 2010
1 Corinthians 1:3 Grace be unto you, and peace, from God our Father, and from the Lord Jesus Christ. 4 I thank my God always on your behalf, for the grace of God which is given you by Jesus Christ; 5 That in every thing ye are enriched by him, in all utterance, and in all knowledge; 6 Even as the testimony of Christ was confirmed in you: 7 So that ye come behind in no gift; waiting for the coming of our Lord Jesus Christ: 8 Who shall also confirm you unto the end, that ye may be blameless in the day of our Lord Jesus Christ. Paul says Christ was confirmed in the Corinthians by the gifts they received. The only gifts that would confirm are spiritual gifts. These people were to be confirmed by spiritual gifts unto the end. What end? They were to be confirmed, behind in no gift, waiting for the coming of the Lord. The spiritual gifts were to help them be blameless in the “day of our Lord Jesus Christ.” That’s the end. Paul is clear that the Corinthians were to have spiritual gifts unto the coming of the Lord. Those spiritual gifts were to confirm them, and the gifts would not go away because they were to keep the Corinthians blameless “in the day of our Lord Jesus Christ.” Continue reading Confirmed Till the End February 13, 2010
My mother, 85, was a woman of many great accomplishments. She was an artist of modest repute who sold everything she painted. Her life was art: she surrounded herself with it and believed that artistic expression and the intellectual life had the most meaning for her. She was also a very difficult person to live with and, in adult life, to be around: peremptory, critical, stubborn and intractable in her opinions and views. She carried psychic scars from her youth that I’m sure contributed to her need to express herself in art. In fact, I believe it’s the scars, trials and tribulations of life that lead us to turn to artistic expression. Great poems aren’t written about tranquility; they’re about agony, conflict, pain. My mother’s last full year of life, 2009, was filled with tribulations. She decided to quit painting, and like anyone who retires from their lifelong occupation, faced separation anxiety and a vacuum in what to do with herself. Then she rubbed her eye too hard and separated her retina, which caused her near-total blindness in one eye. That on top of major hearing loss meant she’d mostly lost two of her senses. She fell into a profound depression just days after I spent a few weeks visiting, then her husband of 40 years [not my father] fell ill and after a hospital stay and rehab convalescence, was moved out of the house into an assisted-living home. Continue reading All Good Children Go to Heaven February 11, 2010
Yesterday as I took advantage of the weather and watched movies while the snow piled up outside I received a call that one of the more senior members of the Harlem Writers Guild had died. It was a shock because we assumed he didn’t make the last meeting because he usually went dancing the first Wednesday of every month. Unbeknownst to us by the time of the meeting he had been dead for two days. And while the sadness of his passing clings to me there is also the thought that we will never have his written words again. Continue reading Where Do the Words Go When a Writer Dies? February 2, 2010
October 5, 2009 After about a 45 minute delay to try and actually get the lights working, we took the field for our first “real game” of the camp. Jim let all his pitchers go longer than normal, about 2-3 innings a piece. I hadn’t played a game at night in a few years, so it was definitely a huge adjustment, not only because we were playing in a stadium with lighting I wasn’t familiar with, but I was in the outfield. Only one ball was hit to me in RF, but I misread it again and I wasn’t able to catch it; so, it’s back to the drawing board tomorrow in the outfield to keep trying to get a read on the ball as soon as I possibly can. This is really my biggest problem with playing out there- my first instinct on how I judge a batted ball has been incorrect and then I have to try and make up for it. People have been helping me and giving me advice, but none of it will help in the end because until I can get a read on the ball, it’s going to be an uphill struggle. Since we hadn’t had any game action the last few days, I felt a little out of sync at the plate, but it was a productive night in the least. In my first at-bat I was given the hit-and-run sign and was able to execute and put the ball in play. After I made my mistake in the field, I came up to hit with a guy on 3rd base and I put the ball in play to drive the run in. In my last at-bat, I hit the ball real hard to 3rd base and he made a great play on it, but thankfully I was able to beat the throw for a base-hit. Even though I didn’t feel totally comfortable at the plate, I did some positive things in each at-bat. I’m really waiting to get that nice, line drive to the outfield; I’m not sure what our schedule is going to be with games this week, but I know its coming and I’m and it’s going to feel great when I finally get it. Continue reading Feeling The Warmth Of The Lights. January 30, 2010
October 3, 2009 Today was supposed to be the start of an important weekend series, but Mother Nature showed how much that mattered to her by the amount of rain that was dropped from the sky. We arrived at the ballpark around 11a and the infield looked like a lake. The grass in the outfield and the cage underneath the seats were good enough to get some work in, but all other plans had to be changed. The original plan was to play today and tomorrow and have a day off on Sunday to get ready for the final week, but the rain has made everyone go back to the drawing board. It is supposed to continue raining intermittently for the rest of today and tomorrow as well, so we’re going to have tomorrow off and the rain will hopefully stop so the field can dry up enough for a 9-inning game on Sunday night. The sun has to come out early in the day tomorrow and the wind has to blow quite a bit for this to even be possible. I really hope scouts will still be able to come and watch us on Sunday if we get to play; that is the reason why I’m out here in the first place. Continue reading Mother Nature Keeps It Coming. January 30, 2010
October 2, 2009 When I woke up this morning and opened my shades, the weather looked fantastic, but as the day grew older, Mother Nature brought some hard rain. Jim told us to come to the ballpark no matter what so we could figure out the next couple of days, so we arrived around 4p to see what the deal was. The only reason they wanted us to come in was so we could get fed, which was fine by me. They brought in a bunch of KFC chicken meals and Jim and Ronnie talked to us for a while before they let us go and do whatever we wanted, whether it be getting some work in, or heading back to the hotel. It had been raining for a few hours already and since I got a lot of work in yesterday, I decided to take it easy. It’s not like I took my “free” day literally and didn’t do anything, which quite a few guys did. These next two days (weather permitting) are the most important ones because a quite few scouts from the Northern League will be in attendance, looking for some talent. Jim made it a point to tell us that one scout coming tomorrow doesn’t normally take players with fantastic physical ability, but ones that are gamers, do the little things to win ballgames, and play hard. Since I fall into that category perfectly, I’m excited to get going and see if this guy likes me as a player. Continue reading Unexpected Off-day. January 26, 2010
October 1, 2009 As was said yesterday, today didn’t consist of any games or structured drills; we had the entire day to try and get better at whatever skilled we desired to work on. So I took it upon myself to work on ground balls and my footwork around the bag at first base, then went to the outfield to chase down some fly balls. It was such a pleasure to work up a sweat at the position that I love the most. Even though I haven’t taken reps consistently at first base for about a week or so, I wasn’t surprised with the fact that I performed the best and more naturally than the other three guys I was working with. Jim was right there hitting ground balls to the middle infielders, so I know he was watching, but whether that means he’ll do anything is not for me to worry about. The entire day was filled with irony because no matter where I was (first base, the outfield, or the cage), either Jim or Ronnie would come out to where I was after I finished. For example, I took fly balls in the outfield for a good 25 minutes, and then decided to jog in and get some more work at first base. Once I was finishing up my work at first and I was completely tired, Ronnie went to work with the outfielders. So, I switched gloves and went back out for some more work. After that was done, some of the first basemen were taking more grounders and Ronnie decided to stop and watch. Once again, I ran in to switch gloves and get back out there. I looked more natural than the others, but he said about two words to me since he spent most of his time talking to the others. Continue reading Déjà Vu All Over Again. January 26, 2010
September 29, 2009 Here we are, ten days into this tryout in Joliet, Illinois; we’re pretty much at the halfway point and like I said at the end of the first week, it’s amazing that we only have another week and a half before we go back home. I got two more at-bats in our game today and walked. I’m still seeing the ball great and since I’m getting repetitions every day, I know that my comfort level at the plate will only be increasing. It makes me laugh because after our work day is through, there are always about ten guys that have something hurting and need to get treatment from the athletic trainer. Yes, my arm is killing me, but I’ve had arm problems long before I came out to Joliet. So, other than my arm, I’m completely healthy; once I got used to the long days on the field (which took less than a week), the soreness in my body has disappeared. I consider myself a gym rat and I have always taken pride in conditioning myself well enough to withstand a schedule as demanding as this one. Knowing that I put myself in great shape for this camp and haven’t had any serious physical problems makes me feel accomplished because since baseball is such a grind, being in good shape is half the battle. Continue reading Almost Halfway Home. January 25, 2010
September 28, 2009 With week two underway, it has already gotten off to a better start than the first week. We arrived at the ballpark about an hour later than normal, and our day included instruction in the morning, followed by batting practice and a game in the afternoon. While we were taking BP, I saw the opportunity to approach Jim about playing first base more often. I broke it down for him, saying “I know that I’m small, but I came out here as a primary first baseman and I definitely want to be involved with infield drills on a more consistent basis because I want to show what I can do.” He was straight up with me, and said “That’s not a problem at all, but you need to realize that if a scout wants to sign you to a contract, your height will be a sticking point, no matter how good you are. You need to make sure you can play the outfield as well so scouts don’t see you as one-dimensional.” I appreciated Jim being honest with me, he told us the first day we were here that he wasn’t going to sugarcoat anything for us because in the end, being honest is the only way we’re going to improve. I’m also aware that a lot of professional baseball players grew up playing one position their entire lives, but to get to the next level they had to switch and learn a new position. Continue reading A Bigger Breakthrough. January 25, 2010
September 27, 2009 It’s hard to believe that it’s already been a week since I flew into Chicago to participate in the SIB Fall League with hopes of landing a professional baseball contract. While talking about it with other players today, everyone seems to be in agreement that this week has gone by very fast, but at the same time it feels like we’ve been here for longer than just one week. I view that as a positive because the longer I stay in one place, the more comfortable I get. I was very nervous about being so far away from home; yes, I went to college for four years, but I was still only 90 minutes away from Wallkill and if I needed to come home, I could. Now, I was going to a different region of the country by myself for the first time, but things have gone nicely. One of the good surprises is that my roommate still hasn’t come yet; I think I’m going to luck out and not get one, which makes me happy because then I can have my privacy. Continue reading One Week In The Books. January 24, 2010
September 26, 2009 Today was by far the best day I’ve had in Joliet on the baseball field. We all reported to Silver Cross Field and were ready to rock at 4p, but due to our lack of pitchers, we participated in a simulated game. It sounds fancy, but it only means that Jim brings the L-screen out and shortens up the distance between home plate and the mound, and he throws us batting practice fastballs instead of live pitching. During the game, guys were moving all over the field to different positions and I finally spoke up and asked Ronnie to play first base and he didn’t even hesitate when he said yes, so it was great to be in the infield again. I also broke the seal and got my first base-hit of the camp; a sharp ground ball past the third baseman playing even with the bag. It was fantastic to run the bases and contribute to the team. I picked the best time to have my best day since tomorrow is our off-day. My favorite thing to do in baseball is ending on a positive note because it doesn’t matter how badly I played in the games before, that feeling of success in the most recent game stays with me and it allows me to build up some confidence before I take the field again. I’m very happy with the fact that this camp is three weeks long because if it was only a one week camp, I wouldn’t be happy with my overall body of work. I want to make sure that I play with a sense of urgency because if this is the last chapter of my competitive playing career, I don’t have to have any regrets and I want to finish the way I want, not how anyone else wants. It’s unfortunate and annoying that my arm is hurting as much as it is, but I just have to ice it, put some cream on it, take Advil, suck it up and deal with whatever damage I’ve done to it when I get back home. So far it seems as if some scouts are around the facility each day, which is good to know. All it takes is one big play to get a scout’s attention and potentially get a contract. For now though, I’ll go into my off day with some positive thoughts as I mentally prepare for week two. Continue reading Finally, A Small Breakthrough. January 24, 2010
September 25, 2009 Today was another full day of baseball for all of us. We had some more instruction in the morning, followed by a 7 inning game in the afternoon. As I write this entry, I am balancing a full bag of ice on my left elbow, so it’s pretty safe to say that it is quite painful. After we arrived and got suited up for the day’s activities, Jim held an interesting hitting lesson in the cage for anyone who cared to listen. He didn’t talk about the physical aspect at all, he focused on the mental side; what a pitcher wants to accomplish with certain pitches, when there are certain counts in an at-bat, what the pitcher will want to throw, etc. Jim was the pitching coach for the Schaumburg Flyers last season, so he wanted to show us what an at-bat looks like from the pitcher’s point of view to get us thinking and anticipating certain situations as a hitter. This was just one of the lessons and drills that I’ve enjoyed getting involved with. I have never gotten this type of in-depth instruction in my life, so I’m not only excited to listen and learn, but I can’t wait to bring this knowledge home and share it with my Club Baseball players at Sacred Heart. The other coach, Ronnie, is definitely a nice guy and knows a great deal about the game, but every time he wants to explain something to us, he drops the name of a current/former MLB player that he’s worked with. It’s always the same set-up too, “Not to name drop, but…” I’m not going to lie, when he was dropping names the first couple of days, it was really cool to know who he has worked with. However, hearing it over and over on a daily basis is starting to get annoying; I can’t speak for any of the other guys, but I think he’s just doing that to stroke is his own ego. Continue reading Learning The Ropes. January 23, 2010
I pushed my way through the corn stalks; curiosity leading the way. From my Uncle Elsie’s farm, I could see another house with barns and a silo. My cousin Vera told me it belonged to her Aunt Ruth. Ruth was my uncle’s spinster sister. My Aunt Gladys was my dad’s only sister and my parents visited them almost every summer. I had never met this aunt and decided in my seven years of maturity that it was about time to introduce myself. So in my Sunday best dress, I marched myself over to introduce myself. The sun was warm that July afternoon and I was full of spunk after spending a morning in church and visiting my ninety plus years grandfather. I was always the adventurous tomboy. Dirt and woods were always calling to me; just a mystery to be explored. So with pink frills and white patent leather shoes, I trekked through the rows of green and gold to find the treasure at the other end. When I arrived at her gate, I was delighted to see, that her front yard was filled with geese, both big and small. I loved visiting the farms that belonged to both sides of our family, being from the outer suburbs of Detroit. I proceeded into the yard and went straight to her pen to visit with the ducklings. Reaching down, I picked up the nearest one and held it to my chest. Imagine the shock I received when my aunt’s boxer “Queenie” came charging around the side of the house barking at the intruder. I squeezed the duckling a little too hard, not that she wasn’t already traumatized, and she proceeded to excrete her dinner all over my pink frilly front all the way down into my shoes! The hens and ganders were squawking, the baby bit my thumb hard, the dog was digging dirt and barking, and here I was balling my eyes out, when the strangest woman I ever laid eyes on came around the corner. Continue reading Dearest Ruth January 7, 2010
Stop! Don’t do it! I know it’s the “new year,” that ritualistic period whereby we become fixated on ridding ourselves of that sluggish, bloated, overloaded blob-like feeling in which we wrapped ourselves for the previous two months. Whipped up by cartons of cookies and bags of breadstuffs; flavored by truckloads of turkey with gravy, ham with glaze, or both; coated in tankards of eggnog (with and without rum); we are just darn-near ready to put on the brakes and embrace our “new me.” It is a cultural happening. As ubiquitous was “Have a Holly Jolly Christmas” last month are now the signs of this new year’s dawning. Full-page gift ads have converted to double truck spreads promoting six-pack abs and shriek, “Have the sexy glutes you’ve always wanted!” Even jolly old Saint Nick has shifted his routine. Two weeks ago, singing elves warmly patted their bellies after consuming plates of iced cookies. Today? Santa’s helpers wear sweatpants and can barely let forth a hum as they aspire to get heart rates into the target zone while pounding away on the treadmill in the new North Pole gym. Continue reading The only resolution that works January 7, 2010
September 24, 2009 Today definitely had its peaks and its valleys; two games were on the schedule and I spent both of them in Right Field. Once Jim and Ronnie split the teams up earlier in the week, I realized that the only other primary 1st Baseman here is on my team. As if that wasn’t frustrating enough, the 1st Baseman on the other team is the same height as me, and is primarily a pitcher, so he looked pretty lost out there at my position. I know I should be happy that I’m at least on the field with a chance to impress a scout, but this is always a tough pill to swallow. Even though I’m not a natural outfielder, I feel like I played pretty well by making a handful of plays, including one for the highlight reel. A right-handed hitter drove the ball towards Right Field and since it was a line drive, it took me an extra second to get a read on the ball. Once I realized that it was sinking in front of me, I began sprinting towards the infield. While I was running, I could tell that I wouldn’t be able to catch the ball while on my feet, and at that point in time, instinct took over. I lunged headfirst, made the catch and slid on the grass about 10 feet, just like I’ve seen on Sportscenter every morning since I was a little kid. It was an awesome feeling and I’ll tell you what- since I’m regularly an infielder, I totally forgot what it felt like to dive for a ball. Man, it really was a lot of fun. Continue reading My Sportscenter Moment. January 2, 2010
September 23, 2009 Today was another day of instruction for us, but since Jim and Ronnie split us up into teams, most of our workout was with our particular team. Tomorrow marks the start of our games, but I have a feeling a majority of the guys are going to be hurting through the rest of camp. There have been three days of instruction so far and a lot of the players are either sprinting for the trainer’s room because of sore arms or walking into the clubhouse gingerly because of pulled muscles. I spent two months preparing for this camp, and five days a week I was in the gym in the morning followed by a workout on the field in the afternoon. When I flew out here, I felt like I was in peak physical condition, but when you go from working out for a total of three hours a day to being on the field straight from 10a to 4p, it doesn’t matter who you are, you’re going to be sore as hell in the beginning. I’m excited to get the games underway because even though I’m aware of the importance of the drills, the repetitive nature gets a little boring. However, due to these last three days of instruction, I feel more prepared to start playing games than I have in a really long time. So, it’s easy to see that participating in these drills time and time again is a necessary evil. Continue reading Another Day Of Instruction. December 29, 2009
September 22, 2009 In the blink of an eye, day two is in the books. Our workout was focused around defense, but ended with a short batting practice session. After practice, Jim and Ronnie (two independent league coaches) told us to hang around in the clubhouse because they wanted to meet with us one-on-one in an attempt to get to know each player on a deeper level before they split us up into teams. I definitely wanted to see what they had to say, so I went underneath the seats to get a little more hitting in while I waited. After about 45 minutes, I was able to step into their office to hear what they thought of me as a player. I knew I hadn’t played my best ball yet, so I had a feeling it wasn’t going to be what I wanted to hear. The meeting went pretty much the way I thought it would; they really didn’t tell me anything that I didn’t already know. To sum up what they said: I don’t have a great arm from the outfield, my infield defense was decent, and I’ve been jumping out at the ball at the plate instead of letting the ball come deep in the zone. If they asked me to critique myself, that’s exactly what I would have said. I almost laughed during the meeting because Jim was looking at his notes, looked up at me and said, “To be brutally honest, I don’t see Major League talent here.” Continue reading I Don’t See Major League Talent. December 28, 2009
September 21, 2009 Today was a hell of a day. I went to bed last night while watching my New York Giants defeat the Dallas Cowboys on Sunday Night Football, hoping I would have a voicemail or email when I woke up in the morning, telling me what events would happen during the first day of camp. Much to my dismay, I received neither when got out of bed, so I realized that no one was going to help me find out what was supposed to be happening today. I walked downstairs to the lobby and saw a kid around my age getting some breakfast; I knew that I had to fight my fears of talking to complete strangers and approach him. Thankfully, God gave me the strength to go up to him and ask if he was here to play some ball. My assumption was right (he was a pitcher from Kansas City, Missouri), and he told me that there was a meeting the night before. Frustrated because no one told me about this meeting, my new friend told me we had to be at the ballpark by 10a and we had to carpool. I received this news at 8:30a, so I ran back up to my hotel room, got changed, grabbed my gear, and hung out in the hotel lobby until I could find a ride. Continue reading Living Out My Lifelong Dream December 17, 2009
The next morning, I raced downstairs, not knowing what to expect. I surveyed the living room. Nothing. Then the obvious became apparent: “He was an eccentric geezer who cashed in his penny jar, that’s all.” I started to exit when I noticed a simple envelope adorned with an embossed snowflake and a monogrammed “S.C.” Slitting it open, I pulled out a handwritten note on parchment: “Henceforth, you will realize how fortunate you truly are. Your life is full even when it seems not. Enjoy your blessings. Thanks for the help.” [...] December 16, 2009
One day while sitting at my desk having a pitty party. I had just hung the phone up after talking to my son. He had been on yet another interview and didn’t get the job. When I heard the sadness in his voice, saying well mom back to the drawing board. Those words pierce a whole in my heart. My son lost his job in June. He has been applying on many different web sites and other places. He hasn’t been blessed with another job. He decided to go back to school to finish his degree which is a great move. I will continue to encourage him and always tell him to trust and put God first. When God is ready to bless him with another job, He will in His time. My is 6 ft 1, 25 five years old and he is in good health. I see, talk , text and hug him everyday. He also has a beautiful 6 years old daughter. She brings me happiness just looking at her. That same day while sitting at my desk about 2 or 3 hour later a middle age man and a young woman sat at my desk. The man wanted info on his son’s account. After checking things out on the computer I found out that he was not on his son’s account, therefore I told him there was nothing I could do for him. Then he pasted me a stack of papers, after looking through them, I discovered that the stack of papers papers were an approved POA. As I glanced through the papers and looking up at both of them I could see the hurt and tears in thier eyes. The spirit in me told me I had to say something to them. Obeying, I asked the father if the son was okay, with tears in his eyes, he said no. He told me that his son only had a few days or months to live. “My son has brain cancer.” for a moment I was choked for words and didn’t know what to say. I remembered asking him if he was okay, he told me yes. Continue reading Don’t forget to count your Blessings December 16, 2009
My mother and I go to church every Sunday. It’s a nice church with a somewhat conservative message and a mass like I remember as a kid. Although the mass is not in Latin, we still celebrate the mass with all of what people might call pomp and circumstance. There is a processional at the beginning of the mass with incense and at least two deacons in support of the monsignor. We don’t skimp on prayer and sing the Gloria, the Kyrie and the responses. Not all of our masses at the church are like this. The evening youth mass is a high-spirited event with a youth choir, complete with an electric bass, amplified guitars, drums and even a bongo boy. The early morning masses are more reserved and the Spanish mass is well attended by all cultures, but my favorite is the high mass mid-morning on Sunday. People tend to be a bit more…respectful at this mass. They genuflect and bow at the proper times and dress appropriately. They listen attentively to the word of God and don’t chatter during the sermon, which is always reassuring, thought provoking and challenging. Parents at this mass lead their children by example, gently but firmly explaining the solemnity of the mass and it importance, and the children…oh…they are so precious stumbling through their prayers, exchanging the sign of peace and, for the most part, sitting peacefully, hands folded in prayer. Continue reading Angels we have heard. December 10, 2009
Looking for something to help wind down at the end of a hard day clogging your arteries with Monster Pies? How about the McNuggetini? This festive drink (?) consists of a chocolate milkshake mixed with vodka, rimmed with barbecue sauce, and garnished with half a chicken nugget. “Hey bar-keep! Gimme a double will ya?” [...] December 10, 2009
This morning I watched as people gathered cans from the trash outside of apartment building here in the city and bagged them to take to the store. Many of them had been at work harvesting the cans and bottles worth a nickel each since before dawn, before the garbage trucks arrived to remove what may be the only means to a living some people have. The following was inspired by watching and thinking there but for the grace of God go I. His little girl wanted a lot but he told her he could only give her one thing. She picked a doll and pointed to it in every window they passed as they made their once a year trip downtown to look at stores he could no longer afford to enter. She had worn her best coat, a lovely navy blue with a matching hat that his ex wife had gotten before there was no more money and no more shopping. The sleeves barely reached her tiny wrists and the buttons on the chest were straining not to pop. This would be the last year she could wear it for his bright eyed daughter reminded him that she wasn’t a little girl anymore. She was almost eight. Continue reading A Five Cent Wage at Christmas December 7, 2009
I’m Taking Up Golf!![]() By Alan Caruba I have a confession to make. I have never engaged in any sports activity demanding any energy. About as close to a sporting activity I ever got was shooting pool or as fancy folk call it, billiards. The English version is called Snooker. In my time I did a lot of leaning over the edge of the pool table to line up a shot, but it never tired me in the way. I have another confession to make. I have never watched an entire baseball or basketball game in my life. Baseball is too slow for my attention span and basketball is too fast. In my youth I attended the University of Miami football games, but that was mostly to prove my manly bona fides with dates who I suspect knew more about the game than I. Once a year I watch the Super Bowl, but mostly for the cheerleaders and commercials. Poker is not a sport. It is a card game played by professionals and amateurs alike, often for mindlessly huge amounts of money in tournaments. I like poker because the professionals can get knocked out with a bluff or better hand. Continue reading I’m Taking Up Golf! December 7, 2009
This is a true must tell story. I’m a born again Christian filled with the Holy Spirit. My husband and I planned a trip home for Christmas in 2008. It had been over twenty years since we had spent Christmas in my home town. I was truly excited because my sisters, brothers and the grandchildren would gather at my mother’s house. I lost my father in 1984 to cancer. There are eight children, around eighteen grandchildren, and fourteen great grandchildren. My mother is a blessed woman. She married her second husband at age 73. Through that marriage came three more step children and one more step grand child. About a month before our planned trip home we received some bad news. I found out that my mother had breast cancer. It was devastating news. I didn’t let it get me down because I knew who was in control. Most of all, my mother knew too. I began to do what I knew best and that was to pray. In my spirit I knew my mother was healed by Christ’s stripe just like He said. My mother’s concern was for her children not to be worried about her. What a strong woman. Things began to move of fast. Within two weeks, my mother had a mastectomy. And things went great. Although I wasn’t able to be there with her, I wasn’t worried and counted it a blessing that all of my sisters and brothers lived in the same town. I remembered talking to my mother on the phone after the surgery. She told me that immediately after she began to sing “God Has Smile on me.” She knew that she was already healed. My mother’s recovery was going good praise God. She was waiting for her wound to heal so she could continue further treatment. Continue reading Saved on Death’s Bed November 29, 2009
You saw me as a baby helpless in my mother’s womb You watched as she murdered me, my life was quickly doomed You saw me as a child helplessly shaken by my father You walked away, how could you? You were my mother You watched as my father abused me You didn’t do anything, I was never set free You turned your head, why did you? You are my mother You saw me being beaten by my mother’s lover You were afraid to speak up for me, therefore, I was murdered You saw me as a boy wanting to live my life in a gang You never told me how quickly my life would end Continue reading You November 29, 2009
I was deathly ill, my health was poor I felt death knocking at my door I am a child of God saved by the Blood of The Lamb I began to pray asking God to heal me in Jesus’ name I wasn’t ready to die, I was on a mission for my Lord I believed and was living His Holy Word I laid in bed sick for many days Trusting and believing God to do what he said I was so sick, my tears I could not wipe But I believed I was healed by His stripes Continue reading Death Was At My Door November 29, 2009
Some horrible things are happening in the world today Christ says not to be troubled, for things must happen this way There are mothers killing their precious babies If only they would trust God and know He is able To take away the fear and evil thoughts they hold inside Men are killing their wives, children, and themselves Why lose hope when they could have turned to Christ for help Children are not honoring their parents, instead they are being murdered Oh, God, have mercy when they reap what they have sown There are people in other countries being killed by the thousands Continue reading Do Not Be Troubled November 29, 2009
Faith is like the mighty roaring wind When the wind stops, it is peaceful in the end When you have faith, oh what peace it brings When the wind blows, you can’t see it But, you know it’s there until it quits Faith is also something that can’t be seen But it is with [...] November 27, 2009
Quoting Cassius, “The fault, dear Brutus, is not in our stars, But in ourselves…” It’s easy to pronounce and pontificate about what “they” should do, it’s quite another little something to step to the platform, roll up our sleeves, and actually take action. Irrespective of legislation regarding “single payer” or “pre-existing conditions,” we must each make a difference in our own lives by establishing good health as a higher priority in day-to-day decisions. [...] November 23, 2009
Betty Davis may have said old age is no place for sissies but New York could be even worse. I have seen the way most people deal with the elderly. New Yorkers try not to involve themselves with people who move slower than that New York minute. But those who remain here once their youth subsides are not to be outdone. They have been riding the trains longer then the rest of us and still have that tenacity that makes them push younger natives aside and hold their own in a crowd. Continue reading Subway Story: Old Brothers on the Train November 23, 2009
Although food is definitely a means by which we celebrate good fortune, I must note that nowhere is “stuffing oneself until sick” listed as a tradition. Quite the contrary, I would go so far as to say that uncomfortable, pained, hyper-expanded feeling that follows so many Thanksgiving celebrations actually detracts from the appreciative sense of gratitude one would hope to experience. Maybe, that’s one tradition we can drop this year. [...] November 19, 2009
Like most artists I would prefer making a living from my art. For the majority of us that never happens and we have to make do with professions outside of the creative. Sometimes we get lucky and land a job we enjoy. Sometimes we land a position that is beyond rewarding. I know I am one of the lucky ones since I get to play Santa 52 weeks a year. Continue reading The Coolest Job November 17, 2009
This post should have been before the other. Both are a rendition of how a writer situates h/her attitude through journal quick-writes, to help start the flow… [...] |
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The Great March
Tomorrow is the 47th Anniversary of the March on Washington. It is a significant date in the history of this country, August 28, 1963. Never before had so many American people, 300,000 or more, gathered in one place to lift in one voice of shared concern for “jobs, and freedom”, and equality for all Americans. Others have tried to duplicate the event and its success but this political rally organized by civil rights, labor, and religious organizations calling on all Americans in support of civil and economic rights for African-Americans, that took place in Washington, D.C, were Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. delivered his “I Have a Dream” speech at the Lincoln Memorial would come to be known as “The Great March on Washington“.
At 6:30 the morning of August 28, 1963 my grandfather in Pennsylvania and my parents in New York City boarded two buses both bound for Washington in the District of Columbia. All three of them were journalist; all three were Americans of African decent; all three held great expectation, pride and there was a jubilant hope in their hearts. Continue reading The Great March