That’s torn it. Now we’re in trouble with Pimco, Standard and Poors and Moodys. A hat trick of detention, all of our own doing. Our Grand Old party has shaken the world (again) proving “Who says no one could be that stupid twice?” Some people would say we handed the country over to the oligarchs.
In the eleventh hour the “Debt Crisis” was essentially solved when The Chamber of Commerce and other business interests let the Tea party and other budget choppers know that it was their campaign funds on the chopping block.
Effectively handing the entire country over to the ratings agencies, the focus on the wrong side of the balance sheet, the frightening “take no prisoners” attitude and the calls of “who cares about default, we spend to much money!” have worked their magic with the economic masters of the universe. That’s no longer us, by the way.
By throwing a full body block during the election two-step my masterful party has opened the yawning gates to hell. Right now investors are bolting for safety, dumping stocks as fast as they dare and looking forward to another major dip. Apparently unbeknownst to our conservative penny pinchers there is money to be made as markets and countries fall, lots of money. You can bet the Koch brothers know that.
With all the high-falutin talk of the “Private sector” being the only place to create jobs, we now can sit quietly licking the egg on our faces as that sector continues to hold on to trillions of reserves instead of investing it in the US. The same companies that spend millions to avoid taxes and lobby Wasington are loathe to invest in a country that can’t get it financially together and still thinks somehow, a national budget is just like the budget at mom and pop’s grocery.
Prepare the blame throwers boys, it’s going to be a dark and stormy night. Our ratings are down again, somehow the American people think we’re responsible. How is that possible? It’s those damn socialists yelling out things like “I wanted to stop the crazed gravy train in Washington, not trash my 401k again.” The weenies! Don’t they know that it’s the Unions and the teachers that are killing this country. How many times do we have to tell them it’s the President’s fault?
Well, we know how to counter than kind of Anti-American talk. We’re going to get this country back to work at a decent wage (third world, of course). None of this collective bargaining crap, employers know what to pay and we don’t need a lot of commie-blue collar dopes telling us different. We need even lower taxes for businesses and individuals to boost the economies in the foreign nations where workers know how to bow and scrape. No more “spoiled brat American Eco-socialists-for-a-living-wage” for us. When the lazy unemployed, the starving poor, the retired slackers who just lost their savings come to the walls, prepare the boiling oil!
Writer’s note: It may seem a little insensitive to attempt humor at a time like this, and it is. But I have two words for you “Stop loss,” If you have investments, set one. It doesn’t mean panic or sell everything now, it just means if the market dives you will have an automatic circuit breaker to preserve your capital. The markets always recover and this will give you money to buy back in when they rise again. However, the Fed may still have a trick or two left and employment numbers were better than expected. At any rate it’s Friday and that means there’s time for the markets to cool down and think. If you were waiting for the “Private sector” to save the day, this may just be the thing that will force them to invest. After all pretty soon they will figure out that there is no point guarding the money in your mattress if the house is on fire.
Copyright Prentiss Gray 2011
Prentiss Gray is a writer and columnist and currently writes the Domesti-Tech Blog for Gannett. He can be reached through his website at