THE RECESSION IS OVER! So says President Barack Obama and government officials. Prosperity is right around the corner. REALLY? Now what corner is that prosperity lurking on? Herbert Hoover’s corner? The bankers corner? The auto manufacturers corner? AIG’s corner? The bail out execs with bonuses corner? Barack Obama’s corner? Geitner’s corner? I mean I must be looking around the wrong corner because I cant’ find that prosperity.
Now the recession is over for the BANKS. Phew! That’s a relief. I was really worried about those billion dollar bonuses not being paid. I thought for a while there some of those executives might not get their retention bonuses and that really had me up at night. But no, our financial system is sound! SO WHAT? They aren’t giving anyone any of that SOUND money. They are so busy being SOUND that they keeping it for themselves and making billions more in their own investments.
Alright, enough sour grapes. THE RECESSION IS OVER. Let’s take a little tour. Why the foreclosures are still in the paper…thirty pages in last count in the Chicago Tribune. Hmmm….maybe it’s not over for those people. Losers. Let’s look further. What about the millions on unemployment still that are currently losing benefits at about a million people a day. Obviously somebody forgot to tell them the RECESSION IS OVER! So now they can give back their benefits and go back to work. Phew! That’s a relief.
What about all those people on foodstamps? Somebody better let them know also. Obviously they don’t have cell phones or television because then they would know the President had declared THE RECESSION IS OVER! I will have to tell all those people living on lower Wacker Drive in Chicago too in their cardboard boxes and sleeping bags. They certainly didn’t get the news. And what about all the people who have jobs but their incomes have remained flat and they don’t have credit anymore because their houses have lost all their value…well somebody dropped the ball there because they really should know THE RECESSION IS OVER!
And what about all those empty stores? Best Buy Home Depot Menard’s. Well somebody needs to start communicating and letting people know that THE RECESSION IS OVER! Now they can start spending again. And what about all the auto dealers? I mean since the clunker program ended they look like ghost towns again. I think somebody should inform all those car salesmen that better times are ahead because THE RECESSION IS OVER!
Phew. That’s a relief. Once everyone knows that THE RECESSION IS OVER then we can all go back to peace and prosperity just like the twenties. You know that the GREAT DEPRESSION of the thirties…well if people had listened to President Hoover that PROSPERITY IS RIGHT AROUND THE CORNER then we could have ended all that silliness that caused the market to crash and people to starve and men to commit suicide and it all didn’t really end until World War II. Jeez….if people would just LISTEN we would be a whole lot better off. I for one am very glad that THE RECESSION IS OVER! Thank God.
William Hazelgrove writes in Ernest Hemingway’s attic. His latest book is Rocket Man
Having been rude about some of your posts, Bill, can I say that you are back in sparkling form? It looks like a whole pile of things have got your goat. Long may it continue to be kidnapped!