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One day, one my knees, I asked God to take the desire to drink away from me. Slowly day by day, weekend by weekend, the desire to be what He wanted me to be overcame the desire to drink.

Now, I watch as many of my friends from high school and college drink themselves into oblivion. They have lost their jobs, their families and now cannot even carry on a conversation. They drink in front of and even with their teenage kids.

What used to appear as fun,the party, has become sickening. I used to be right in the middle of the party. Now, I don’t go to the parties. I couldn’t stand being in the midst of the pain and suffering they try to cover up.

God created us for a reason. Satan created alcohol to keep us from fulfilling God’s reason for our lives.

We are created with a hole in our soul that only God can fill. It is a choice if we try to fill the round hole with a square peg of alcohol, drugs, sex and whatever else the devil throws our way. There is no joy, no peace, no healing until the created fills the hole with the Creator.

Bob, I am sorry for the loss of your brother. And to everyone who has loved and lost loved ones. Their choices were not your fault. Everyone has a personal choice to make. Families and loved ones can try to help them find their way but inevitably each individual person controls their choices.

Our society and Babylonian type culture shares the blame for offering the poisons. Calling bad good and good bad– our culture is declining at a rapid rate, taking many who are weak, in pain and suffering, with it.

God teaches us to be strong and of good courage. Those who choose Jesus, choose right. He can and will break any addiction. But, we must be willing to surrender it to Him. It is a choice.

Bob, my condolences on the loss of your brother. “Cunning, baffling, powerful” is how the Alcoholics Anonymous “Big Book” describes the effects of alcohol. It is very, very hard to see a loved one commit suicide with alcohol [or drugs], but left to their own stinkin’ thinkin’, this is how many alcoholics end up. Alcoholism is a disease. It is also a symptom of a greater, deeper problem that the individual uses alcohol to hide from. Without accepting that one is powerless over alcohol, it is highly unlikely that the alcoholic can recover and be restored to a fulfilling life.

I speak from experience. I know exactly why I became an alcoholic and that there were other alcoholics in my family history. I also know that certain events in my life gave me a craving in my soul – a hole in my chest is how it felt – that I sought to fill with a variety of addictive “medications” such as alcohol. Left to my own stinkin’ thinkin’, there was no way I would ever be able to overcome my alcoholism.

I wasn’t a nasty, unpleasant drunk – I preferred to drink at home over going to bars, was never arrested for drunk driving [or anything else, for that matter, but which is not to say I wasn't guilty of other innumerable stupid and offensive acts], and usually passed out after consuming prodigious amounts of liquor. I surrendered to the simple program of Alcoholics Anonymous in 1991. Two events drove me to AA: one was a profound conversation with a guy named Larry, who shared his experience, strength and hope with me and helped me understand and accept the tenets of this simple program of recovery. The other was separating from my wife at the time, who also had a drinking problem [no one but the alcoholic themselves can determine if they are an alcoholic] and being advised by our marriage counselor that AA was worth looking into.

I embraced this program completely. I made peace with myself and accepted a Higher Power in my life, even learned how to get on my knees and express my gratitude through prayer and meditation. For me, this is a spiritual program, not a religious one. I believe there is a power greater than myself, but I don’t go to church to find it. I am completely convinced that alcohol and spiritualism are like oil and water: I cannot live a spiritual life if I’m abusing alcohol.

I worked all the steps, and it was good, hard work. I made my amends to those I’d hurt and offered myself in service to other suffering alcoholics. I tried to practice what I’d learned in all my affairs, every day of my life. Then, after ten years in AA, I went back out. I was living in a different place and had found a new, loving relationship with a woman who had no addiction issues. I thought I could have a glass of wine at dinner with her, that I could drink in safety as we say. It worked for a while, but alcoholism is a progressive disease and after five years I was hitting the bottle hard again. It was now 2008 and I was the same drunk I’d been before I got sober in 1991. Worst of all, my alcoholism had blinded me to how much I was hurting my wife, her son, and my mother. Through the grace of my Higher Power, I had a conversation with my brother who helped me understand this. That very day, in January 2009, I put down alcohol, went to an AA meeting, and once more embarked upon practicing this beautiful, simple way of life.

Crazy as it seems, I found that my mind is capable of convincing me to do something that has the power to kill the rest of me. This is how “cunning, baffling and powerful” alcohol is. It seems that your brother did not recognize the threat it posed. He is not alone: many have died from their addiction. I’m not sure there is any way for a non-alcoholic person to understand what goes on in the mind of an active alcoholic. Larry, who was responsible for getting me pointed toward AA, died a few months ago of kidney failure – a direct result of his alcohol abuse. He was sober for over 20 years, 61 years old, and left a wife and two young sons.

What does it take to “get it” about alcohol? The Big Book says:

“Our description of the alcoholic, the chapter to the agnostic, and our personal adventure before and after make clear three pertinent ideas:

(a) That we were alcoholic and could not manage our own lives.
(b) That probably no human power could have relieved our alcoholism.
(c) That God could and would if He were sought.”

Again I stress this is not a religious program – in fact, an inside “joke” is that church members meet upstairs, while AA members meet in the basement – but it is about finding the God of your own understanding, the Higher Power to which/whom you can relinquish control. As long as the alcoholic thinks he or she is in charge, in control, there is no way to give oneself to this program of recovery. I know this from personal experience. When, after ten years of good, solid recovery, I thought I was in charge and could drink in safety, I went back out and found I could not. I don’t regret it; I learned, once and for all, what/who really is in charge. It was a lesson I needed to learn. I love this program and the life it has given me. My family is happy and happy for me. All I have to do is not drink, one day at a time.

Corroboro que no es poco frecuente que en las familias haya al menos un alcohólico o drogadicto o dependiente en algún grado. Siendo ciertísimo que el peso de la genética determina la enfermedad, desafortunadamente aun existiendo la tecnología más avanzada, no es un dato que se sepa hoy por hoy desde el nacimiento o antes como una medida de prevención, así que en general todos hemos de sucumbir al gusto, a la presión social, a los trastornos neuronales… a nuestra condición de humanos.

Como enfermedad muy estudiada, el alcoholismo en realidad no es difícil de entender a pesar de su complejidad. Y eso quedó claro en algunos de los comentarios ya anotados arriba. En cuanto a sus dimensiones sociológicas, económicas y hasta políticas, tampoco es arduo comprender causas y efectos que la determinan.

Lo preocupante, lo delicado y abstruso es su dimensión fundamental, la humana. Es ahí donde resbalamos fácilmente, tanto los enfermos como quienes los rodeamos o conocemos. El fenómeno ocasiona preguntas alrededor de la identidad del hombre. Invariablemente se asocia, como le decía en mi respectivo comentario a Apple (Sobriety Girl), con valores como la felicidad, el amor, la vida, la muerte, la razón de ser lo que se es. Si en lo biológico su trasfondo es genético y neuronal, en lo esencial es axiológico.

En la hondura de su alma, el adicto no se pregunta por qué hace lo que hace, no justifica su “vicio”, no se identifica como enfermo sencillamente porque está extraviado en su identidad. La pregunta que finalmente le atormenta es “quién soy”, y para hallar una probable respuesta siempre cambiante depende de sucedáneos de la iluminación, como muestra en broma el chiste aquel del ebrio que, cuestionado sobre las razones por las que bebe responde: “Bebo, para olvidar”; y el cantinero insiste: “¿Para olvidar, qué?; a lo que contesta el borracho: “Que bebo”. Claro que esto puede suceder mientras el enfermo tenga conciencia de su estado, aunque lo niegue; porque en el momento que pierde la noción de lo real, se extravía, como nosotros mediante estas líneas y en cierto modo, en un mundo ficticio, virtual, donde todo se hace posible y hasta lo efímero tiene aspiraciones de eternidad.

Quienes han perdido un ser querido a consecuencia directa o indirecta del alcoholismo, lo difícil de asimilar no es tanto la enfermedad en sí, sino los caminos tortuosos que llevan desde ella a la muerte, accidental o propiciada.

El familiar del alcohólico busca por otros medios menos destructivos comprender lo mismo que el enfermo, pero además en función de éste. No se pregunta tanto, por qué bebía, sino cuestiona cosas más densas como por qué, si “sabía” que eso acabaría con su vida, continuó hasta lo irremediable; por qué procurar la agonía tortuosa del desanimo para apurar el trago amargo de la angustia que sigue a la muerte; por qué tanto egoísmo. Y estas son sólo algunas de miles de dudas que pueden ocurrir en la mente del deudo de un adicto.

Pero aún más, lo importante entonces no es ya si el ser querido y ahora ausente fue o no alcohólico. Con el transcurso del tiempo todo se resume en inquirir ¿por qué él o ella?; ¿por qué así? Preguntas que todos, yo mismo desde hace cinco meses cuando murió mi madre (que para mí fue mi todo), nos hacemos cuando un ser amado fallece y a veces aún antes.

Así, sin restarle importancia, el alcoholismo per se no es lo que inquieta, sino sus causas y efectos en la constitución de eso que denominamos Hombre. Pensar alrededor del alcoholismo es sólo una de muchas meditaciones acerca de lo que significa ser Humano.

There are issues in our lives which we try to bury, issues that we try to outlive, but in the end it still haunts us, in our dreams, in our work, or sometimes even in the persons that we meet.

You have given me a topic to post about, I guess I will follow your lead. One of these days I will tell a story, a story of an alcoholic still living today whom we try to help the best as we could, but refuses help and pushes us away all the time. The story of my brother.

Godspeed Bob!

I didn’t start drinking until I was 32 & had completed my graduate degrees. I knew about my family’s history with alcoholism — an uncle on each side of my family, one of them a PTSD- afflicted WWI combat veteran, and wasn’t interested in becoming one of “those.” Then I began drinking with coworkers after work on Friday’s…and over the next 12 years managed to ruin my marriage and lose several jobs. Over my years as a mental health professional, treating addicts, I learned how radically disconnecting addictions are. Addicts become connected to one thing, and that is the rush, the “high” from getting drunk, snorting, shooting up, watching porn, gambling, doing whatever. In the process, they disconnect from people around them, and don’t develop deep emotional relationships with people. Sobriety begins with disconnecting from what gives them the “high” and learning to reconnect with themselves and others, learning to connect with reality without a crutch or needing to run to the “high” for escape. When I began drinking, I drank to get drunk, because I thought it “freed” me from my inhibitions (it sure did do that!), and made me “free”. Instead, it led me into slavery, just like it does everyone else.

An acquaintance wrote the following poem, which I found printed in “Real Change”, a Seattle Homeless newspaper. It’s called “3DK” (Three Don’t Knows):

Naive is embarrassing
Ignorance is painful
Denial keeps healing and growth away.

The difference between the three don’t knows is,
Naive can learn, Ignorance and Denial
choose not to.

by Ruanda Morrison, 1999.

It’s not logical. A junkie, a drunk, a crackhead know what they have to do to quit, but the pain of doing so and the additional pain of knowing you have failed as a person can pull you back into addiction.

I still have my demons, my depression, my failures and pain that weighs me down every day, but God has believed in me more than I have believed in Him. He trusts me to make the right choices every day. In many things, daily, I choose poorly, but the one thing I have learned to control are my addictions. With this one victory, perhaps I can succeed in other arenas.

All it takes is one victory. One single individual success and, I believe, anyone fighting addiction can build on this success and eventually become whole again. I has taken me more than thirty years to get here and I have lost much along the way, things that can’t be re-gained, but I can continue.

it takes a Higher Power to change any person, break holds, renew the mind, give strength. Strong addictions or sinful ways, can only have full lasting victory in one positive way. Don’t think of it as trying something new, since nothing else worked. There is nothing else. Now don’t panic and run with this next statement. Nothing short of God Himself. Christ Jesus will work. Sounds religious? Sounds too spiirtual? Well it works. And the cure stays. Yes it takes a Higher, more Powerful, more understnading Person to take your hand and pull you out of the pit ~and keep you out. All you need is Him, and a committment to follow Him without doubt or question. Try it. It works. I know. Believe me, I know.
Saved and Kept by Grace

As I grew older I learned a good deal more about my family history with booze. I had watched my father’s father drink himself to death as well, so a little digging and I learned it went back for generations. We had the genetic coding for it. Instinctively, as a child, I swore to be my father’s opposite in all things–especially this habit, so I have stayed away from over indulging and have never acquired a taste for it, but in effect it skips a generation, and our next generation has has far more problems with it despite everything.

We have no right to blame ourselves–any of us–for the actions of others, and we have even less right to excuse the behavior in others because even if it does run in the family and is genetifcally there, we are all blessed with the ability and gift of choice. Unlike a monkey in a cage, we don’t have to press that lever, and no one is to blame but oneself if he or she chooses to press that lever. The only person in the end who can get a moneky off his/her back is the individual be it drinking, smoking, depression, weight control. It takes a honest commitment. Strangely, it is often hardest to keep a promise to oneself than to others. I am not saying that the person does not need the support of family but as we see with Micahel Jackson, all the family in the world cannot dissuade a person bent on feeding his habits if he chooses not to listen to family or to himself–that voice within that is the voice of honesty and courage.
Rob Walker

Since the advent of brain scans, science has discovered an area in the brain where these types of addictions dig in and hang on. Some of us may be more genetically predisposed for this type of addiction than others.

Meaning, once the addiction digs in and is experienced in that part of the brain, it is almost impossible to break free. Your brain becomes a magnet that keeps bringing the addiction back when the opportunity presents itself. You may want to stop but you can’t. It is hard to say no when your brain has been hard wired due to genetic predispositions that have been allowed to become a pattern. The individual becomes a sick victim of his own genetics.

Social pressures do not help either since drugs and alcohol are so easily had and are so much apart of culture and social interactions. Once hooked, always hooked. Hang around heavy drinkers and you will eventually take a drink. If you are genetically predisposed to become another addict, it will happen. If you are one of these people and you like to party, you are at risk.

Interesting enough, these same brain scans discovered that there are two types of love. Early love that is also lust and this emotion take place in the same area of the brain where the high from drug and alcohol addictions are experienced. Just like alcoholics and heroin addicts, these people become addicted to falling in love. When the feelings start to die, these people tend to break up or get divorced repeatedly just so they can fall in love again, which may explain why some people get divorced and married so many times. I am sure that during withdrawals from the love addiction, those people are as difficult to live with as the alcoholic attempting to withdraw.

There is another place in the brain where long term commitement and love is experienced and that area not even close in proximity to that part of the brain that is so dangerous to individuals that become addicted to alcohol, heroin or love.

I watched my thirty-two-year-old first cousin die from cirrhosis of the liver because of his drinking. I stood there and held his mom as he breathed his last breath. I had sat by his bed a few minutes earlier, where he said to me, “Don’t stop writing.” It touched me that in his final moments he was thinking of me. He was a handsome young man, sweet and friendly and loving. He left a wife and two young children.

My father was an alcoholic. His brother died from alcoholism. I don’t understand it. As you said, it tastes awful. So, yes, it has to be the high that people get. I do understand that desire for a high. But it is so not worth it! And to drink enough to get drunk is not even pleasant. And the life alcoholics lose!

I offer up a prayer today for all alcoholics and their families. I know we have all been touched by alcoholism one way or another.

Tina Rae Dozier